SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Trust is earned through actions over time.

That's it. The only question is how much time. That can depend on the events (more affairs, more time and more trickle truth all compound the situation) and on the BS's desire/ability to heal.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Not every BS has to go to IC to heal. It doesn't sound like he's screaming at you,and being cruel. It simply sounds as if he's 17 months from finding out his wife has cheated with 7 men. It would have been a miracle if you were to give him 100% of the info he needed on dday 2. That's a lot of questions to answer,a lot to remember (" I don't know/remember" isn't an acceptable answer). That's a lot of affairs to work through. So while he found out 17 months ago, he's not 17 months out from having every question answered.

IC would probably help him. Not all therapists understand the trauma of infidelity. His IC might have been crap. He might need to find another one. Or he might heal just fine on his own. 17 months out from False R,and finding out your spouse has cheated with 7 men, is not really that much time. Give him time to process.

Also..this may not be a marriage that can be saved. Healing from one affair is extremely difficult. Healing from 7 may be too much to expect. Not all marriages can..or should be..saved.

This whole process has been very hard for me.

Gently, wrong focus, just sayin. This is a Freudian slip of the real reasons behind your trickle truth. It wasn't about protecting him as much as it was about protecting you. Until you can confess to him this deep level of selfishness/self protection, your words will ring hollow. Truth in all things is your best, perhaps only, hope.

If you are actually doing everything you wrote then, with time, your husband may heal and you may R. No guarantees but there is a good chance since he's stayed after hearing of such a major betrayal.

One thing you wrote that bothered me was that you didn't want "anything to happen to their baby or their marriage" Baby, yes. But including marriage in that sentence stood out to me. It's proabably unfair to interpret it this way but it made me think you were still trying to protect AP from possible consequences he earned. You might reflect on that language to see if any of it appears in some way with your BH.

I have always been a rule follower and "good girl".

When I determine someone's moral characteristics, I consider the following 5 areas:

1. Physical or Verbal violence
2. Stealing or Fraud
3. Drug or Alcohol Addiction
4. Lying or deliberating demonizing others
5. Sexual Misconduct, such as extramarital affairs

When people take their wedding vows, they typically vow (not just a promise, but a vow in front friends and family) to not lie or cheat on their partner. When a wayward spouse (WS) breaks their wedding vows, often a betrayed spouse (BS) will call into question all aspects of their WS's morality. An affair immediately calls into question, #4 and #5, but also whether there was fraud committed with the marriage (i.e. were you really a rule follower and "good girl").

Unfortunately, you've now proven to your husband that you are (or were) an immoral person and you do not have his best interests at heart. The only way to convince your husband otherwise, is through consistent moral actions over the next few years. If you can do this and show great patience and empathy, time should slowly heal the wounds.

To answer the question, he n