We all wear masks.
She knows she certainly did and she has come to realise that she wore hers so well that no one saw what she was living with.
She wore it as well as he did, but differently. While his hid deception, hers shielded disappointment and hurt.
In the aftermath of discovering the betrayals - endured mostly alone over the past few months - those who came to know her truth held her with a quiet regret. They hadn’t seen any of it. To the outside world, even to her own family and closest friends, her life was not perfect, but neither did it appear broken. No one saw that beneath it all was a life shaped by deep psychological and emotional distress for nearly 10-12 years.
She carried herself with grace and control. No one guessed how her world was slowly unravelling; how she was spiralling inward; surviving on routine and responsibility, the only things she believed were hers to hold and grow.
They saw calm, while the mask hid turmoil.
They saw grace, while the mask hid sadness.
They saw strength, while the mask hid survival.
They saw vigour, while the mask hid hopelessness.
They saw fearlessness, while the mask hid confusion.
She still wears a mask now, even as she rebuilds herself, but this time, it is conscious. It is her choice, not her circumstance. She has come to understand that she only needs to fully reveal her face, her thoughts, her fears and her feelings to her spiritual guides - call it God or angels or divine or universe.
Now, she knowingly withholds certain truths - about him, about other things - not out of fear, but from clarity. Some pain is hers to carry, to understand, to grow from. Some plans are hers to shape quietly, before they are ready to be seen. Some realisations, some strange alignments of events and meaning, are hers alone because they would not make sense to anyone else.
Her silence no longer comes from protection. It comes from intention. From choosing who has access. From conserving her energy. From no longer needing to defend what she already knows to be true.
(I write stories about what I am going through, hoping someone else might find the words they have been unable to say aloud.)
