Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:13 AM on Friday, February 27th, 2026
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:25 PM on Friday, February 27th, 2026
I'm so sorry. Looks like a good lawyer is your best next step.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:20 AM on Sunday, March 1st, 2026
I'm sorry. I'm with sisoon on this one. It is time for a good lawyer.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:10 AM on Monday, March 2nd, 2026
You can see he has serious impulse control issues. If he sees jt, he wants it and he gets it.
Whether it’s money or food or anything — you are right. He’s a child. You know it. Your kids know it.
Time to take the necessary steps to secure your future. I would invest any $ in yourself to get to a better place where you can earn a decent wage.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
fournlau (original poster member #71803) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, March 13th, 2026
Just making a small update. I'm still looking for a job, though I do have a skills test I have scheduled for a state job. But unfortunately, it's not until the end of April, and there isn't a guarantee that I will be hired.
In the meantime, I'm still looking and applying. While I wait, I decided to do some delivery service stuff. It isn't much, but at least I have some money coming in. And it isn't hard.
As for WH, he seems to be more aware of his spending, though I still feel like a parent. The therapist suggested I stop making all the sacrifices and split the money he has been spending in half and give myself half. I've been putting $100 into his account for him to spend on his nonsense. Now, it's $50 and I get $50 in case I want a little treat myself. I haven't spent any of it though. Unfortunatley, I'm very used to sacrificing my wants and needs, so I don't need much to be happy. As long as I have a book or a puzzle and some snacks (mostly sunflower seeds), I'm good. Not to mention, I have the added benefit of having children that actually like me and want to spend time with me. So both my daughters take me out for lunch and shopping. And I spend a lot of time playing boardgames and D&D with my kids at home. We even play online with my other son who lives far away.
So, as you can see, I have filled my life with some happiness, even without a lot of money. I am still trying to detach, but it's a work in progress. I'm feeling less of a need to "change" WH and just accepting that this is who he is and doesn't want to change. With that said, it makes it easier to not feel hurt when he does something selfish. I just keep it moving and try to plan for my future.
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 6:01 PM on Friday, March 13th, 2026
fournlau, it sounds like you're doing all the right things in terms of getting your life in order and working on detachment. It's a process for sure, and detaching can take a long time, especially when you're used to being the responsible one (ask me how I know).
Have you reached out to any lawyers and done any free consultations regarding your situation?
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Divorcing.
fournlau (original poster member #71803) posted at 7:30 PM on Friday, March 13th, 2026
NoThanksForTheMemories
I have not met with a lawyer yet, but I have a couple of consults scheduled for next month. Working on getting all the financials together.
