There is no need to put yourself through this anymore. With that in mind, have a plan for how to break the news to your child(ren) not because they can't handle it (they can) but there for every good and better suggestion there is also the "bad" and "worse."
For example, my parents separated when I was around 7-8, maybe 9 even (there divorce wasn't final for awhile after that but I'm not precisely sure how much longer - the separation was the issue for us kids not the piece of paper signifying the legal termination of their relationship). My WH's parents stayed together until the minute he left for college at 18. When he packed to go they lived in the same house. When he came back for the winter holidays the house was for sale and they had both moved out. Needless to say, my WH is SUPER traumatized by that whole process, and he really didn't realize how traumatized until about two years into IC (like at all). I on the other hand quickly became comfortable with the separation as it wasn't a big mystery to me AND we (my dad and I) talked about it age-appropriately. As an interesting side note, both my parents and my WH's parents divorces were the result of an affair (his moreso than mine I think - I think my parents were headed for divorce anywhere whereas if WH's dad had remained faithful there is little doubt, especially in their very conservative church, that they would still be married, and the reality is that if WH's dad hadn't wanted to leave his mom would have likely stayed with him anyway).
My issues post-divorce did not stem from their separation/divorce, and instead from the lies and wholesale minimization of my mother's about the whole affair and the aftermath. I don't think her zero information policy about the whys (and the nerve of her talking shit about my dad when she thought we could not hear, after what she did, poisoned our relationship). My WH's on the other hand stemmed from the zero-information policy both his parents had about their divorce and the reasons for it and even that it was happening at all. He actually started to cry talking about it recently, not because he wishes they were still together (he doesn't), but because they treated it like it was not his business, and therefore they had no need to talk to him about what was going on or why. Somehow they perceived that the break up of his family, and the comfort of the home he grew up in, all being gone in the blink of an eye, wasn't his business.
So, as long as you are not blindsiding your kids - I say if you still feel that horrible pang in your gut after all this time, no time like the present to talk to a lawyer and get on with your life.
You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.
Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts
