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So I caught my gf cheating in some tiny way . So I secretly messaged her affair partner off her Instagram , saying he knows everything ..

Plz help what do u think of his reply .

"Yes I know he has been in touch with my ex wife , LUCKY NOTHING PHYSICAL HAPPENED AMD WE ONLY FLIRTED OVER SNAPCHAT ..

Snapchat is how I caught her .

What do u think what his response meant?

Plz help

I mean, that is not a whole lot of detail, but I would say it would sound like he knows it was you and he is covering for her?

I think there is more to the story than flirting

I think his response is the signal/intent to get their stories straight. Why would you need to emphasize anything if nothing (just flirting ) happened?

This is an AP that thinks he is slick. He knows you will see the response so he is setting the narrative.

Scoobymac21 I don't think your secret message was secret at all. I'm 99% certain he's 99% certain it was from you. And his response was just bating and f**king with you.

I don't think you are even close to having the whole truth.

Apologies as I don't know your whole story - but the fact that you caught her and this AH isn't blocked tells you all you need to know.

IMHO - girlfriend failed the long term test. Set her free, mourn the loss of who you hoped she was and go about living the first day of the rest of your life infidelity free.

Was part of it written in lower case and part in capitals? If so I think he is getting the story straight.

No children and not married. She’s failed the dating test.

So after I questioned her I read his reply which she couldn't of as it was late and she was asleep . I questioned her about it then got this .

So I need to tell u something the physical part was just a lift home and he reached in and kissed me but that's all that happened

What would you include as physical this communication went on for over 10 yes apparently.

I'm not silly I know that atleast it's was more than a kiss .

She also said that she sent topless pics and flirted on sanp as he made her feel good about herself ..

I think when she got caught she messaged him in some way saying nothing physical happened and we only flirted on snap .

It seems as his response was pre planned in some way .

In other words everything I know is from what I have found out not what.
She hasn't come clean about anything she just can't remember apparently.

It's fooked I know

All of you answer this

What would u describe as being physical with someone ?especially if u are flirting chatting with and agreeing to get a lift home with them amd sending naughty outs and receiving them ?

I know you are struggling with this and your mind is shying away from it. But as some who’s wife had multiple APs, we have to face the things we don’t want to. It is nearly certain that she had sex with him. Full all the way. The fact that the had direct in person access make it almost 100%. There are rare cases where it didn’t happen but not when clearly she is only admitting to what you find…. Tell her you don’t believe her and have scheduled a polygraph…

[This message edited by Tobster1911 at 8:47 PM, Friday, September 13th]

IMHO you are splitting hairs to try to minimize her behaviors and/or justify them to yourself.

What would u describe as being physical with someone ?

If someone is your GF - anything other than a damn handshake.

especially if u are flirting chatting with and agreeing to get a lift home with them amd sending naughty outs and receiving them ?

That alone right there is too damn much.

"It was just a kiss" is the first crack in the dam. This is rule number one in "The Cheaters Handbook". That is proof it was physical, kissing is physical. She has failed the interview, she is not W material, cut your losses find a real W candidate.

Wrong thread

[This message edited by 1994 at 4:30 PM, Saturday, September 14th]

Most people don't send pictures of their private parts to others simply because that person made them feel good about themselves. Usually in that case they send such pictures in hopes of recapturing that adrenaline rush they got from showing those parts off in person previously. So unless your GF is doing an Only Fans and sending people titty pics for money, I submit to you you have a liar as a girlfriend.

My thoughts exactly

Scooby,

Read up on your posts. She's admitted to kissing the guy and you believe they may have had sex. Have you determined that actual PIV sex is the dealbreaker but you can get passed just kissing? You do know that both acts are cheating and that she has been unfaithful to you no matter what the actual truth is?

If PIV sex is a hard dealbreaker for you, have you considered asking her to take a polygraph? Even if you personally don't believe in the reliability of polygraphs, the setting up a polygraph examination, asking your GF to take off the day from work to take the poly, having her stew for a couple of days thinking about the poly may result in what we call a 'parking lot confession.'

Even her outright refusal to take a polygraph in order to ease your doubts and concerns may provide you better insight as to whether you want to continue the relationship.

Something to consider at least... it appears you are in limbo hell.

Dude....

If you are having this much issues with your WWGF do you really want the floodgates to open when she does the same again when your married, with kids, a mortgage, car loans etc, etc... That you're WWGf even put you in this position where you have to sherlock holmes yourself to find the smoking gun or in this case penis is really redundant at this point. Feel free to walk away with dignity and your future (minus the WWGF) still ahead of you. By the way don't really know what cheating in a tiny way is, kinda like he only robbed the bank a little bit. Cheating is cheating. Robbing a bank is robbing a bank.
I'm not silly I know that at least it's was more than a kiss . Silly would be staying in the situation.

The saying here is when someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM!

She has cheated. Plain & simple. She did something not in YOUR best interest. She lied and disrespected you. She acted selfishly. She didn’t care about your relationship as much as she cared about her needs and wants.

As someone older and a bit more experienced I will tell you a lesson I learned. From 18 to 21 I dated a guy I knew from elementary school. It was not a good relationship as he had a drinking problem (at 18) and was verbally abusive to boot. I finally ended it but a year later he came back begging for a second chance with all kinds of promises. Including "he’s not hanging out in the bars anymore".

For a few months things were good. Until my brother innocently told me he saw the guy in the bar one night. Turns out he was going to the bars after our date.

He lied and deceived me and really nothing had changed. He just wasn’t drinking to excess in front of me.

I did end that relationship and dodged a bullet IMO.

Another fact I have shared here at SI - everyone I know who was cheated on while dating or engaged, then married that cheater were cheated on during the marriage. More than once too.

Apparently forgiving the cheater signals to the cheater you are a pushover and will do anything to save the marriage. And will continue to forgive them again and again.

I hope this helps you.

A lot of the advice is IMHO based on the "girlfriend" moniker. If I read the profile correctly you have been together for 24 years (at least) and have two kids of 15 and 17 years. The "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship has lasted longer than the average marriage.

Scooby – why so long? Why did you two have to wait all this time to commit? What held back? Are you two in some form of civil relationship? Is paternity, legal adobe and all that set in some form? What about taxation, lease or rental on family home and all that?

As a rule I would suggest heading for the hills in a "traditional" bf/gf relationship and generally kids might be a good initiative to attempt reconciliation, but a terrible reason to remain in an unchanged infidelity relationship.

I think the both of you need to – frankly... – GROW UP.
Marriage isn’t really a key to anything other than it shows a commitment you two have maybe already shown with the long-term relationship. What it does however is formalize a number of practical issues like assets, inheritance, pensions and so on.
You need to realize the severity of what you both are facing and the consequences to others than simply she and you. That severity is IMHO irrespective of if you separate or try to reconcile. I think this might be best done with some outside help like a couple’s counselor where you decide some basic things like:
Do you want to be together and why. Time spent is a terrible reason – it has to be because of something you both see in your present and future relationship.
What are the firm boundaries you want to a relationship.
Can you both stick to those boundaries.
What are your next steps. If – for example – your boundary is NC with OM and she can’t accept that – what is the next step. Same if her boundary were to open the relationship... could you accept that? The key here is that you are BOTH clear on expectations.
What would separation look like? What is the process of dividing assets gained over 24 years of being a couple?
How can you progress – either separately or as a couple?

I think that once you two open a frank and honest conversation... you will find your route out of infidelity. With or without her.