SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've had an AP of an ex-boyfriend accidentally friend me before while stalking me. I told her to get a life and she sent me a message saying "I just happened to see your page with an already-pending friend request and I deleted it." Makes absolutely no sense, but it's safe to say she was probably horrified when she realized she had gotten herself caught stalking... then was mortified to learn that I had seen it before she deleted the request. That gave me a brief feeling of victory!

So I say... discuss your feeling with your H, but take it as a win. (Because it is.)

That’s a really positive way to look at it Revenger. I was looking at it as she got one over on me by having an affair with H and then being able to not only not acknowledge my comment or the fact she was stalking but also that she was able to block me. Still an un remorseful coward.

I am still in a state of flight or fight and can’t seem to get myself out of it. I have a mani/pedi set up for Saturday, have gone on walks and have been practicing deep breathing.

I do have a question for the folks that have D, do you ever experience the feeling of being back to DD? I do not want to keep putting myself through this. I spent too much time in therapy and healing to go backwards.

An update on AP BS. She must have gotten to his FB page/messages because I’m blocked on that as well.

My H is getting on my nerves with this situation. He starts off my saying he is enraged on my behalf that the wound has been torn open again but that I need to look at this for what it is and not what I thought it could be. He thinks it’s a spiritual attack and I need to do my part and stay strong. I get what he’s saying but that’s a whole lot easier said than done. I also feel like he is not being as compassionate as he should be. This whole situation has made me start looking at it as is even worth it to keep trying.

It seems like you have comfortably taken different thoughts and recommendations from others here on SI without it making you feel invalidated. It seems like when your WH does the same thing it feels very different. There have been times when I have said explicitly to my WH that helpful tips from him on improving my mental health are not welcome. He may be right at times (after all they live with us). But I prefer to get that help from mental health professionals or loved ones OTHER THAN HIM. You may be further along, but for me I still feel that when he gives advice in anywhere close to the neighborhood of "it would be good to move on…" it just feels so self-serving. And thus not helpful coming from him.

Stillconfused- you hit the nail on the head. It feels as him saying that is self serving and it would be better for HIM that I move on. It will make things easier and less uncomfortable for him. When he tries to give me advice even if he is right I always look at it through that lens.

I think I'm more open and able to accept advice and suggestions from this forum is because you all understand the pain, frustration and the overwhelming emotions that come from an affair. I do not think my WH will ever be able to comprehend what this has done to me. That is a hard pill to swallow which also ties back into having the thoughts with anything positive he says towards me. For example; "I love you" I love you but not enough to not cheat. "You’re the love of my life" yeah love of you life alright yet you still cheated.

As I’m typing this out I’m realizing the bitterness and resentment I still have towards him. I’m angry he did this to me and I’m angry that I let myself stay with someone who caused so much trauma.