So, I’m a WP.. but I guess I’m a BP now too.
4.5 months ago, in April; I had an emotional affair for about a week while I was manic and undiagnosed bipolar. I confessed to him and have been going to therapy, staying on medication, etc.
Reading affair websites, forums, books, etc. Putting my whole heart and soul into reconciliation.
Long story short, my partner and I have been working on reconciliation. We live in separate households as it was what my partner wanted.
A month into R, I discovered my partner had Tinder on his phone. I asked him about it and he said that he was using it to find someone to buy marijuana from. I formerly did this before my betrayal with an OK with BP. I believed him and I watched him delete the app.
I didn’t trust him all the way because a few years ago he was deep into a porn addiction and regularly lied to me.
After discovering Tinder, I asked him, "Are you talking to anybody?"
He was protective over his phone. He wouldn’t even let me touch it.
He told me no, and I asked every other week if he was. He was adamant on saying no. He even cussed me out and was being super defensive about that question.
I believed him but I felt something within me was wrong. This went on for several months. He has lied to me every single day for the past 3.5 months.. gaslit me, and manipulated me. For this long.
Today, after meeting up with him; I go on his phone and open Snapchat. I ask him who his best friends are. I see a girl who I’ve never seen him talk about. I ask who she is. He says it’s some random girl he met but doesn’t talk to. He opens the chat and scrolls up, and I see heart emotes. He quickly exits the chat.
I grab his phone , and open the chat again. I
I discover everything. He has been complimenting her and letting her open up about her feelings. BP has regularly shut me down when I talk about my feelings, even before my betrayal. He was complimenting this girl and I had to beg him to compliment me. He grabs the phone from me again. I tell him to block her NOW. He hesitates.
I feel my heart rip out of my chest.
I grabbed the phone again and blocked her.
I stared at him, mouth open, for a really long time. Rage building up inside my body. I begin to cry. The girl wasn’t even attractive. I am absolutely devastated. Ask him where he met her.. Tinder.
I ask him, have they ever met. He says no. I ask him why.
Reading the chats made me feel so nauseous. I begin to have a panic attack. I drop on the floor absolutely hysterical. He sits down next to me and rubs my arm, and says "I am.. sorry." I send several selfies to the girl of me crying. Telling her that he and I have been together for 3.5years, and that it is not her fault, to never message him again.
He tells me that after my betrayal he didn’t know what to do. That he didn’t know what to do or if it would work out between us. I ask him if I never found out, would you continue to lie?
He says, probably. I scoff. I cannot believe him right now.
I asked him, "So.. instead of talking to me, you went to someone else?" I tell him; "WTF KINDA LOGIC IS THAT?! That is exactly the logic that got us into this mess!”
I tell him that he’s been lying, gaslighting me, and manipulating me for the past 3.5 months. He tells me; "I guess.. you probably feel what I felt. I lied, to protect your feelings." Lying, just hurts.
He and I talk for a good 3 hours. I ask him why he would lie to me. That telling the lies is what hurts the most. He tells me he is hurt from my betrayal. I tell him that this is so much worse because he’s lied for so long. I trusted him 90% after his addiction. And it took 2 years to get there. Now I don’t trust him at all.
I tell him, "I forgive you." He winces.
"But that doesn’t make it okay. If this happens again, I’m sorry; but I just can’t do this anymore. I’ll have to walk away. This just isn’t okay.”
He apologizes again. He tells me he feels bad, guilty, and ashamed. I told him not to beat himself up over this. That, he isn’t a bad person. That he just messed up because he’s hurting so badly.
I asked him why he winced at me saying I grant him forgiveness… he says it’s because I forgave so easily and he still hasn’t forgiven me.
Life doesn’t feel real right now. I’m angry, hurt, disappointed. I can’t sleep.
[This message edited by tokyohsworld at 12:06 PM, Sunday, August 25th]
