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found an item that was to be used by April 1961 !!

OK, that's just pathological! My kid goes through our stuff occasionally, and if it's expired even a month ago, she lectures us and throws it out. I tend to go through non-perishables every year or so. H tends to hang on to expired OTC meds because he's worked in pharmaceutical research for his whole career and ignores expiration dates (will grin snidely and say they're just suggestions).

Ah, 1961...what a good year that was....can't blame her for wanting time to stop, back when life made so much more sense, eh?

I'm only half kidding...but I do think that is a record of some sort.

How did that make you feel?

I am sure the task feels never-ending but you are getting there. I admire you and have been following your updates so I just wanted to pop in with a little cheer for you!

I know this task is coming down the pike for me so I have been taking in all your blood, sweat & tear posts.

That is very interesting about the Christmas card; the validation of what your heart knew as a child. Your mom sounds like she did an amazing job navigating that back in the day. I mean, she knew how they were and still went above and beyond!

Grrr. I got a message from my brother yesterday. He's upset that I left a bag of garbage outside, and apparently an animal tore it open and he doesn't "understand why this bag wasn't put in the bin that was empty." It's all I can do not to message back and say "I don't understand why there's a motorcycle in mom's house but here we are."

Has there been a world shortage of bay leaves? I found them all today.

Oooh, send me some! I'm down to the last of a jar of Turkish Bay leaves my late brother brought me back in 2005, still work great in stews and pickles. Matter of fact, since you couldn't sell them, maybe call your local food banks and see if they'd appreciate them as a donation. Many, many ethnic cuisines use them and who among the homeless or impoverished has money for freakin' bay leaves? (I do see them sold in bulk plastic bags at hispanic stores...so maybe there isn't a shortage!?)

I like your mom!!!

I don't think that food banks will take opened items, and this is a big problem at mom's. Even though there were ~10 bags of bay leaves (and big ones at that), they were all opened, and she has always been notorious for not trying in the least to seal bags or containers. Just doesn't have the sense to realize that not sealing leads to quicker staleness or that unsealed leftovers are going to dry out, etc. I found a Tupperware container of "something" in her cupboard, no lid at all. It's just been sitting in there for years. Have no idea what it was. Looked like fish flakes (fish food).

And 5 boxes of salt ... Two of them further back in the cupboard, never opened, yet bought more.

Once I get a couple of rows back in a cupboard, I just stop looking for expiry dates. I know by their position in the cupboard (and sometimes their antique labels) that they will be expired. I've started lying to mom a bit, too. If she says to me "what was that?" as I pitch it, I just say it was "X item, expired in 2016" or whatever. Sometimes it's just not worth the time looking for the actual expiry date so I just make it up.

She actually told me that her microwave needs cleaning. I opened it, and immediately gave up. Just said mom, new ones are less than $100, I'll pick one up for you. She said "you don't think you can clean it?" Um, no. It's hard to believe I have to explain to another adult that cleaning up spills immediately is easy, baking them on for a number of years makes it impossible. And honestly, why should I have to clean that up? I'm doing enough already.

4 more bags of trash out.

Mom fell in her kitchen tonight and has been taken to the hospital by ambulance. My brother is there.

He called my fwh because I didn't respond to his message on fb. Sigh, if you're not on fb, you don't get the message! Once my H clued me in, I immediately said I didn't know what to do. I'm not like most people who just jump in their car and go to the hospital because they think that's what they should do. Unfortunately (?), I'm kind of logical and analytical, and my mind immediately goes to what am I going to do there? It'll probably be hours before she's seen and they know anything. I mean, of course I should support my brother with the waiting, but really, what's the sense in 2 of us sitting there? And, that many hours together would be pretty tough to get through without wanting to address his part in the hoarder situation at her house, and I sure don't think it's the time or the place but I worry that stress might bring it out. By the time we'd get to see her, she'll probably be under the influence of pain meds and she'll be tired from everything she's going through and it will be the middle of the night.

I'm pissed at my fwh because when I said I don't know what to do, he said "a good daughter would go." Not fair! I don't think that just because I'm different from most people who would just rush there all willy-nilly that it makes me a bad daughter.

I wouldn't be surprised if this is the catalyst to getting her out of that house. Honestly, I hope it is. Not that I wish my mother any harm. It's just that we all knew it was going to take something like this to pry her out of that house.

hope your mom is okay, and I think you not going to the hospital makes sense. You are in touch with your brother. It doesnt sound like a life or death thing….

Don’t take on others expectations- you are caring for your mother in all the ways they have not been doing. they can pound sand.

Hang in there. You are a GREAT daughter.

She's got much pain in the right side / hip area. Xrays are clear. They took her for a CT scan. Waiting for results.

She has had both hips replaced previously. My brother said she can move her foot, not her leg.

Both of us hoping she'll be admitted. He's saying there is no way he can get her into his truck if she is released, let alone up the few stairs into her house, and the stairs to her bedroom/bathroom. I told him to make that clear to them. He said it's not their problem, it's hers. I explained that I really didn't think they'd let her out if she can't get into her house. I have had both knees replaced in the past couple of years and I couldn't be released until I could prove to them I could do stairs.

There is a fracture. She was admitted. They don't think she'll need surgery. Just healing and physio. It's a relief for us to know she's safe for a bit anyway.

I am so sorry about this crisis with your Mom. You are right, a fall often becomes a turning point for elders' living situations to change. (Does she say how she happened to fall? I wonder if she was trying to tidy up her cupboards, as you all have been doing?)

After a stroke my father suffered at age 84, one day he decided to stand on his bed to reach a light fixture that my "caregiver" brother had equipped with a low wattage bulb, whereas Dad needed more light to see things. He took matters into his own hands, got up on his bed, lost his balance, fell backwards, hit his head on the nightstand, and put a gash in the back of his head. I was on the verge of calling for a senior wellness check with the local social services agency, as my brother was leaving him alone almost the whole day and night. But my father could be difficult!

I'm wondering if your brother was in a momentary panic about how he would help your mom navigate steps, or if he was indicating unwillingness to be her helper, longer term? It is understandable to be worried, because we lay people are not trained physical therapists! When things like this happen, it is scary to feel responsible for helping an elder, knowing just how to lift them so they don't get hurt, etc.

Our state passed a law a few years ago that hospitalized patients are not to be discharged to home care until someone can demonstrate to the hospital staff that they know how to help with activities of daily living (ADLs) and state they are willing to do what is needed. In practice, however, I'm told our local hospital often just sends people home and the family may be totally unprepared for needed changes in their routines. Unfortunately, this is what happened with our family.

Again, I'm sorry and hope you guys work this out without hassles!

SackofSorry - I just went back and reread your first post about her. It's almost as if you knew then that a fall was almost inevitable. I'm sorry that you have such a stressful relationship with your brother because it seems like now would be the perfect time to unite with him to get her out of the house for good. I'm actually having a hard time seeing how they can let her back into her house at this point if her only bathroom is upstairs. However, someone needs to make sure the social workers at the hospital KNOW all of this... everything you shared with us in your first post here.

Since they are admitting her to the hospital, I would suggest you call the nurse case manager and/or the social worker and fill in the picture for them from your perspective. I don't think you can really trust your brother to be completely truthful because then he would have to admit to his enabling behavior (all the stuff he keeps at her house) that also causes dangers for her, and that he's basically given his blessing to how she lives by not doing anything since he's the one who stops by on a daily basis to check on her.

It's not going to be pretty - you'll probably get some blowback from your mom and brother, but if you stick to the facts and let the powers that be decide where she should go next, then you've done your duty. If you don't say anything or participate in any care conferences, then it's more difficult to backtrack. You'd be amazed at how quickly after someone is admitted to the hospital that they start discharge planning, so I would take steps today.

So while it may seem against your nature to run to the hospital, some of these conversations can be easier if you're talking with someone (hospital staff) face-to-face. My bet is, if they get a full picture of what her life is currently like at home, they will only discharge her to skilled nursing facility until she can either find another place to live, or she recovers from her injury enough that the 'obstacles' of the house are not so dangerous ('dangerous' being a relative term).

Good luck.