I haven't visited or posted on this site nearly as much as I once did, but I wanted to check in, since today is the 8yr anniversary of my DDay.
Quick recap of my story: I found out 8 years ago today that my WW of 12 years was having an affair with another married man who is/was a self-proclaimed "spokesman" on infidelity, who had been on countless talk shows after his really bizarre situation where his first wife cheated on him. I thought I was on an episode of MTV's Punked. My divorce was final in June 2016. My ex-WW kept pushing OM to leave his second wife, and he relented and was divorced a few months later. He and my ex-WW got married shortly after that. My DDs were 8 and 10 at the time of the divorce, and my exWW forced them to play house with OM and his sons who are the same ages. My exWW seemingly got everything she wanted - divorced me, got paid well in the settlement, married POS OM, and took very little if any public humiliation for her indiscretions.
I was devastated when it happened, but I recovered mentally after about a year and a half. As I look back today on my life of the past 8 years, I realize that my life is so much better than it was during my marriage. My exWW would do and say things that attacked my self-confidence. She would make me feel guilty if I wanted to play softball or watch sports with guy friends. She hampered and controlled the time I spent with my daughters. Everything was always about her. I thought that was normal. I did my best to make her happy. All of this disgusts me now, as I think back on it. Of course you should want your significant other to be happy, but not at the expense of yourself. I can't believe that I never thought I would find someone better than my exWW.
Everything in my life is infinitely better today than when I was married, especially my time with my daughters. I have met and dated many women over the past 8 years, including one that I've been dating the past 14 months. I'm definitely proud of the man I've become since my divorce.
I'm posting this to remind others, especially those at the beginning stages, that there is hope. You might not realize it now, but your life will be better. Finding out your spouse is having an affair is one of the most excruciating challenges in life. Overcoming it makes you a stronger person. When I first discovered this site 8 years ago, I would scour posts that would give me hope that I could somehow survive this.
I'm glad that I didn't have the choice of reconciliation, because I most likely would have taken that route, and my exWW would have definitely continued her affair with more stealth. I was forced to rip the bandaid off, and while it was painful and lonely at first, it was the best thing for me.
Karma hasn't found my exWW or her POS OM yet, but I know it's coming. Something tells me that it will wait for my daughters (and more importantly POS OM's sons) to both graduate highschool and head to college. At that point, OM won't need my exWW, and I'm sure he will find another younger version. But that's not my concern any more. I'm focused on me and my girls.
You WILL recover. You WILL have a better life. You CAN do this!