SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

this is my first relationship after my separation. She is wonderful; attentive, active, a generous lover, she responds to me emotionally and physically, and she can make me respond emotionally and physically. The sex is fantastic; I never have to wonder if I'm doing well in the sack, as it is blatantly clear, and she is overwhelmingly attracted to me. She is the only other person I have ever been with consentually, and it is fantastic.

But I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing it. After seventeen years of marriage, having sex with someone else just feels... wrong.

Does this ever go away? I don't want my ex's infidelity to ruin my sex life going forward, the way she ruined it while we were together.

I never had this feeling. Is it possible you started dating too soon? Only you can answer that, as timelines for healing are different for everyone. If sex feels wrong, it could be because you are still emotionally attached to your ex.

I can only speak for myself, but I didn't start dating until I was healed and completely detached from stbx. It took about 18 months of being single. I've never had one second of guilt about being with another man.

Sidenote, congrats on meeting a good woman!

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:30 AM, July 19th (Sunday)]

This sounds wonderful!

My first time after my wexbf felt weird, too. I don't feel guilty or anything, just...as if all the furniture in the house is moved 10 cm to the left. And we'd only been together for 2,5 years so I can imagine what it would be like after 17 years.

I've been single for 3 months now but wexbf was not my one and only, so I think that plays a role in your feelings, too.

Another word of caution: don't jump headfirst into a relationship. It usually takes about 3 months of actively dating before you get to know a person. Don't commit before that. Keep focused on your priorities: work, family, hobbies, health, friends, recovery. The first phase of infatuation can make you overlook red flags if you're not focusing on you and what you need/want.

Maybe some IC work would help you Incarnate

I met my STBXWH when I was 17, married him at 19 and have never had another relationship.

I feel like I am back to being 17 again as I have never dated.

An old friend from my teens looked me up after learning that I was separated. He’s recently divorced, I didn’t ask why?

He wanted to catch up but I turned him down. I haven’t seen him for over 25 years. He was understanding as he’s had heard about some of the awful things my WH has done to me.

I told him that if he’s still keen in 12 months to look me up but at the moment I need to focus on myself.

I am an old fashioned girl, and I definitely want the Divorce to be signed and sealed before I consider myself Single.