SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Love it when men start referring to women as "females."

Well, I don't think I need to inform you that most guys go into relationships expecting exactly that. That we will probably have to take care of the women, but we don't make it a deal breaker.

BTDT and not ever going to do it again. If the person I date can't take care of herself then it's a no go and to me take care of herself is not just getting by. I don't care how much she makes as long as she can support the life style she expects.

I told my ex GF to leave because she thought she no longer needed to work, had cooked and cleaned her whole life so didn't want to help with these either. She did enjoy having sex, but just that is not enough! It also didn't help that she had some unresolved FOO/CSA issues so the emotional aspect of it was a bit weird.

I don't get it.

I'm asking an honest question here. Are there really troves of women out there who expect to be taken care of?

Literally none of the women I know personally are like this.

I'd rather cut off my left foot than be dependent on a man's money.

Yes, Jana, there ARE troves of women who expect to be taken care of. None of them are in my inner circle, though. I can't see that we would have much in common or much to talk about. On the other hand, there are also troves of women who earn their own money and are completely self-sufficient. Men could certainly date one of these if they so choose.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:11 AM, July 17th (Friday)]

there are also troves of women who earn their own money and are completely self-sufficient. Men could certainly date one of these if they so choose.

Thanks.

I'm just getting a rather "AWALT" vibe from some of these replies and I hate it. I hate when either gender puts the other in a box. It's dehumanizing.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 7:27 AM, July 17th (Friday)]

***posting as a member***

Yes, Jana, there ARE troves of women who expect to be taken care of.

Personally, I've found more men who want to mooch off of women, than women who want to mooch off of men. As far as some men not dating women who made less than them, for decades they had no choice but to do so because women weren't treated/employed/paid equally.

I'm not interested in men who aren't financially responsible. Making six figures doesn't matter if you piss it all off, have a bunch of debt, and save nothing. A man who makes less, but knows how to budget and save for the future is much more appealing.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:34 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Money isn't a dealbreaker.

Hair color isn't a dealbreaker.

When he stares, I get this feeling in my stomach.

That behavior right there - dealbreaker.

I'm not interested in men who aren't financially responsible. Making six figures doesn't matter if you piss it all off, have a bunch of debt, and save nothing. A man who makes less, but knows how to budget and save for the future is much more appealing.

Complete agree with this, lieshurt.

Amen, Chaos

for decades they had no choice but to do so because women weren't treated/employed/paid equally.

Good point, lieshurt

Don't get me wrong. I know many women who take care of themselves just fine. I think it all comes down to feeling entitled. Over time my exWW became one of the most entitled people I have ever met. My exGF had a mask on for over a year before her true feelings started appearing. It started with simple things and then kept getting worse.

And yes, the staring should be completely unacceptable.

Anna123, you said

SoHappyNow:

Everyone in the senior independent living place asked new hubby for help. He gave people rides. He fixed cars, and he fixed gnarly computers. He walked dogs when their owners weren’t feeling so well.

Darn, you got the guy I was looking for Kind, thoughtful and mature. Doesn't sound entrapped by material showcasing. Ahhhh. Sounds wonderful.

I was VERY watchful at first, precisely because of the income disparity. But seven years later, I know that he was NOT too good to be true! My guy happens to be really handsome.

But many many good guys are short, not rich, maybe with crooked teeth... So they get overlooked.

I sure do hope you find yours!

I am way more interested in a guy who manages his money (no matter how much he makes) than one who might make a lot of money but have financial issues because he overspends -- even if the overspending is on me. I am not really worried about traveling if I find the right guy. Hopefully, we would have fun anywhere.

I would be concerned about the checking other women out when he is with you. I don't care what color hair she has or what he has liked in the past. For me, if you are with me and looking at someone else then I would rather you go. That is just my personal opinion but since you mentioned it then it must bother you.

Good luck! I am sure it is hard because it sounds like there is a lot to like about this guy.

My own experience here.

My H & I are self made. He works. I invest in Real estate and our portfolio. No one gave us a dime. When we married I made more than him. If we D it’s 50-50.

I would never remarry (if D or widowed) due to the fact I’d have to share my assets.

I think the OW saw $ and opportunity. My H is very good looking but she saw his nice car (nothing extravagant) but from her perch he was “rich”. She believed that was going to be her future lifestyle — to live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood etc. happily ever after.

What she did not count on was the fact that after my H got done with alimony and child support and college tuition and insurance etc. she’d be lucky if they could have afforded to eat out twice a week. And the small apartment she had would be their home.

The OW definitely saw opportunity. Luckily my H came to his senses before a messy D.

I'm confused. Why are you talking about a future together with someone you don't want a future together with? If he doeant make enough money for what you want in life, how can you have a future together. Personally, unless he was in his 40s or older and still living at home with Mommy and Daddy, and barely working, I'd think money wasn't too big of a deal. But we have to be honest with ourselves with what is a dealbreaker. For me, it would be a smoker who eats only junk food. I'm a big time health nut when it comes to eating clean and getting out and exercising, so I'd be completely incompatible with someone who wasn't.

As for your gut warning you about his creepiness around blondes, why are you ignoring that? Do you make it a habit of ignoring, or giving a pass, to such obvious red flags? If so, why? That doesn't seem very healthy. His staring at blondes a little too long would concern me way way more than his earning potential would.

Totally agree with StillLivin on this one. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it.

Also, if YOU want to be able to travel and eat at expensive places, either you have to be able and willing to pay for him too or you have to find someone who can pay for himself. If it matters enough that you post about, it's apparently a big deal to you and that's your prerogative. Don't settle for less than what you want.