SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hit a brief low today. Led me back here. I’m currently in a place in my life where I can tell everyone is “over” my X and doesn’t want to talk about him. I feel

ashamed when I bring him up. Hoping it’s okay I vent a little here...

I’ve officially been divorced for almost 4 months. I’ve been blessed despite COVID (health wise & still have my job). I was doing pretty well...talking to different guys casually & using quarantine time to reset and accelerate some of my goals.

Today I’m on FB and a memory pops up from 3 years ago with my X. I immediately noticed he changed his profile picture...and you probably can guess what happened next. I clicked it against my better judgement. He has a new hair cut, is growing out his facial hair/beard and I can see a tattoo peeking from under his sleeve. He always talked about getting one (he didn’t have any). I never discouraged him from doing it. But I guess in his new found freedom he finally went for it. Can’t see what it is / which made me curious as hell. I wonder if the OW turned GF went with him. I’m ashamed to say I analyzed the new pic longer than I should’ve and it sent me into a spiral. He was out in a field and you can tell someone else def took that pic...

*starts pain shopping*

He completely redid his LinkedIn (looks more professional) and I can see that he enrolled in a local college bc he added it to his profile. I remember he said (as he was breaking my heart), that he was thinking about going back to school and could not do that with work and juggling me. I used to encourage him to go back when the thought popped up here and there. So naturally seeing him actually do it hurt for some reason. Like I really was a road block.

One of my uncles saw him recently out driving and apparently his car is messed up from what seems to be from an accident. I know I still have some healing to do bc that tidbit gave me joy *sighs*

Since I was already deep in, I went to his girlfriend/OW Pinterest. She has a ton of boards but I felt relieved not to see a wedding or baby shower board. Pathetic. I know. How did I get here.

Also found out he has been liking/commenting casually on my XBF pics. By X I mean neither one is was following her on social media. He follows her now. The way that friendship ended was my first heartbreak so to speak. He was there through it. It hurts me that he would reconnect with her at all.

So yea I hit a low. I don’t know why those minor “updates” made me feel this pain. It’s almost like they are little glimpses into him investing in himself and doing things he for some reason felt like maybe he couldn’t with me. What if he truly does feel like what he did to me WAS for the best and he truly enjoys his “new” life 100x better? That’s crushing.

Ive done some things to “glow up” myself the past year & half. But tonight I feel really small.

YOU'RE amazing - you are now, you were then, and you always will be. he's a cheating lying sack of shit.

I'm sorry you're hurting bb8. You had a relapse. It's ok to feel what you're feeling right now, but pleeeeeeaaaaase remember that online personas are NOT reality. They really aren't. He is still the same trash you divorced, he's just bearded garbage now. Feel your feels but tomorrow get back on the wagon and delete delete delete block block block. Just my 0.02, but I deleted everything with him off of my fb just to avoid the memories thing and I highly recommend that, especially with no kids.

Chin up girl!

brokenbride88, this is the best place to come to to vent about your X. I know the feeling of not wanting to burden your friends too much, even though they are always there when we need them! It's just a little embarassment we carry with us, that we really shouldn't have to but is totally understandable. So please continue to post here whenever you feel like it.

Second, think of it like this: he was not able to do all those things with you because he 'could not juggle you and school and work'? Apparantly he is a little boy who can not handle multiple responsibilities, who cannot put in the work that is needed for both his marriage and his other goals. I am assuming here but I think you are juggling way more than that, and on top of that dealing with the trauma of infidelity. Look at your strength, your power!

If he really thinks he got the better end of the deal, it's only because his expectations are superlow.

Yes - they definitely call it pain shopping for a reason. Best bet is to block it all and don't look.

As you know - most folks only paint the positives. I really doubt his new life is 100Xs better.

But you know what. It doesn't matter anymore. This IS all about YOU now. So you keep on glowing!!!

DO NOT FEEL SMALL!!! You are only four months out from your D. There is a lot of healing that happens in the next 18 months or so. You keep on doing you GF!!!!!

You are doing great!!!! It is ok to cry those tears, but then get back up and move forward. You got this.

It’s the magnitude of the updates what bothers you or the evidence that he is leaving his life without you? Either way, it’s totally up to you what to do next You can continue to pain shop and feel crappy or you can’t. What do you want to do today? How about tomorrow? How about a week from now?

You slipped. It happens. Grieve (briefly) and move on. It'll probably happen again. It has for me. Go through it. Continue on. You're doing okay from what I can tell with the little I know. You've been handed a huge trauma and you just don't flick a switch like the D and all is well forever. Don't dwell on it. Move forward. You've come a long, long way. A minor setback. Onward and upward.

Its okay to pain shop once in a while..

I know that's not a popular opinion, but you did it because you wanted to. Now you are done, put it away and move forward.

If you spend your time regretting things, you will forget to live.

One of the best things I ever did was unfriend/block my ex on all social media. I was pain shopping and it only hurt me.

On my FB, I never posted how low I was, how much I was hurting, how difficult everything was from betrayal or Divorce.

I saved that for SI (thank you SIers) and family and close friends. But people saw on FB myself and my kids. We went camping, hiking, fake smiles and all. The world wouldn't know we were a complete disaster inside. Therapy sessions, not sleeping, not eating, fuming over everything.

Point being. What you actually see, isn't reality on social media. It's fictional. Look at the pics of all your friends. All happy glorious pics. That's how life is? A big happy joyous all the time smiling moment? No. I understand pain shopping, I do, but blocking the ex will save that for you.

Sweetheart, your X possibly saw the same Memory pop up on FB and I hope he felt The pain.

Even before Dday I blocked my STBXWH and I insisted that he block me on FB. I have now deactivated it completely.

After DDAY WH admitted that others were stalking my social media and sending him screenshots of anything I posted.

I sat with WH and forced him to delete all our couples pictures and restrict or make private any photos with our children.

I wanted to hit him when a memory of our DD popped up and I stupidly shared with him. The OW couldn’t help herself and added hearts and kisses to the post. I wanted to smack their stupid heads together. Our DD also saw the posts and was very confused why this stranger, OW was commenting.

Agree BLOCK AND DELETE. It’s way overdue.

You will feel better once it’s gone 🙏🏼