2.5 months in

A brief history: I discovered the affair early November; it had been going on since June. WH subsequently admitted alcohol addition, is 80 days sober and been diagnosed with bipolar and in a hypomanic period during the time it happened. He says he’ll never stop being sorry, but also that he doesn’t recognise himself from that time period.

Things feel very different now. He’s attentive, the medication is starting to work and his moods are much more stable. It’s like the old him back. He lets me check his phone/socials whenever I like, says he understands that trust needs to be built back at its foundation. We’re both in individual counselling, his has been clear that he has to let me grieve and he’s giving me the space to do that/ I have periods of being happy and then I’ll suddenly come toppling back down thinking am I just being really stupid to believe he’s changed again. And then I remember how much he lied during that period and think "how do I know he’s not lying now?"…. It’s a real rollercoaster ride. I’m so resentful for being on it.

When he’s less calm, he makes out like I shouldn’t be so hung up on it after this time. I think it’s no time at all. He does apologise when calmer and agree…. I think I am right aren’t I, it’ll take years won’t it?

4 comments posted: Saturday, January 17th, 2026

Bipolar experiences

Hi all - just wondering if anyone has experience of dealing with a spouse who has received a bipolar diagnosis? For context, d-day was about 6 weeks ago - it was an affair but, allegedly, a couple of encounters spread over months rather than anything intense. He immediately attempted to take his own life after he confessed and has tried on a few other occasions, claiming he doesn’t recognise himself. He’s subsequently been diagnosed as bipolar and having a hypomanic episode during the period in question and is now in a depressive one. I fully believe the diagnosis/mania as his behaviour defied logic for a single person, let alone a married one. His whole behaviour even outside the infidelity was bizarre. I just have no idea where to go from here. He says he doesn’t believe it excuses his behaviour and he’s terrified of the future, is engaging with help/medication but says it’s like looking back at someone who wasn’t him.

I guess I’m just looking for someone who’s lived through similar?

5 comments posted: Sunday, December 14th, 2025

What to do

16 comments posted: Monday, November 3rd, 2025