It's been 3 years but still have raw emotions .. is this normal?
Hey All, it been 3 years since I discovered my wife had an internet / phone emotional affair with a prick she met on a trip with her friends. 2 1/2 months long and going strong, phone records showed first contact in the morning and last contact at night with numerous calls / texts during the day. I believe they were starting to have phone sex based on long video calls and things she asked me to do while we began our reconciliation. You know stuff she never asked before like speak dirty to her on the phone while calling her "baby girl", grow a goatee (which that prick had). She even had a vibrator hidden in our downstairs family room where most the calls took place. Does that sound like phone sex to you?
Fast forward a year and things were definitely getting better, then I found the prick's facebook address on her internet history. She claimed she was just checking out of curiosity, there was no contact with him. She got off facebook shortly after that although she's on other platforms.
Now 3 years later, things are pretty good, but the hurt and raw emotions I sometimes feel are like when it just happened. No matter what, I can't get past the orchestrated deception and lies she told. That hurts as much as their interactions. And because of it I'll never be able to trust her fully again. Believe me I want to, but it's impossible, like a natural defense mechanism to keep my guard up at all times. Plus it doesn't help when random thoughts or memories pop into my mind regularly and still have nightmares. I can't shake it and feel like I'm on an island by myself.
She still goes on these friend trips and it's agonizing. All I think is, will she meet someone else? Will she decline men, hitting on her or asking her to dance (how she met the prick), will she get drunk and drop her guard, etc. I don't think she's up to anything now, I think she's done her best to reconcile but when I hear her talk about other affair victims, she'll say "they just need to move on" and the WS needs to "put it past her". That's the same crap she said when we started reconciling. She has no idea the long lasting hurt this has caused me. Honestly I can't believe I'm writing this 3 year later. If I told her it would cause a huge argument. What also haunts me is "if she did it once, she can do it again." Will this ever get easier?
Post Script / edit: Seems my description misled some. To be clear, my wife and I are getting along great, there are no signs or flags that makes me think she's up to something. In fact we're closer now than we have been for a long time. Becoming empty nesters can be challenging but we're loving it. The purpose of this post was merely to ask do the worries and bad memories ever go away. I'm sick of them impeding our progress.
9 comments posted: Saturday, August 31st, 2024
