SAHM
Married 15 years
2 awesome kids under 13 years old
DDay #1 2016 one night stand
DDay #2 01/2026 "EA?" Idk how long

Should I give myself a deadline

DDAY of second affair(10 years apart) was a few days ago, posted in just found out a quick story. First time posting on here because I don’t see myself ever fully trusting him again. So I currently feel separation/divorce is what makes sense for me. My main worry is about the effects on my two young children. That is my fear. I don’t fear financial, even though I don’t have job. I don’t fear criticism or lack of support, nor being alone. I understand and have seen divorce through almost all of my immediate family. I always thought he was "almost" the perfect husband except for the first affair and now second. Everything else is was great and I believe that’s why I chose reconciliation the first time. Now, second time around he’s apologetic, remorseful and wants to reconcile like we did 10 years ago, he is doing as I say and ask and we are being cordial when kids are home. He told me today actually, take my time and not to worry about finances, which i never did, I guess just reassured me he wouldn’t cut me off. He said he continue to provide and keep the home peaceful for our kids, whether I decide to reconcile or divorce. His concern seems to be our kids well being first and hopes for reconciliation 2nd.

But I don’t feel or see reconciliation. Now with only a few days to process, I am questioning, how long do I take to decide? I’m impatient person lol I like things resolved and don’t like being uneasy. I know I should take my time, plan and be sure before saying something. But should I give myself a deadline to have a decision by? How long did you take to decide?

2 comments posted: Wednesday, January 28th, 2026

Back again

Back again,
Husband had 1 night stand in 2016 while I was pregnant with our 2nd and last child. I caught him, he admitted and cut ties immediately. Ended up reconciling in what I believed was the right way to recovery. Joint professional counseling, church counseling, retreats, books etc. A few days ago, 10 years post affair #1, I asked to see his phone because of red flags I’d been noticing and my gut feeling. He didn’t allow it at first but then said ok. Discovered text messages with female, he text things like I miss you a lot, I wish I was with you etc. As of now he’s claiming it’s a texting relationship with a female he met at the gym. So far no admission to sex or face to face meeting, since that gym closed last summer. But admitted to sexting and wanting to have sex with her but it hadnt come to fulfillment.
I am currently disappointed, probably some shock, not surprised though and still don’t believe I’m getting full story. I don’t feel distraught like the first affair. I didn’t cry much, all I could think of was our 2 kids (under 13years) and how a separation/divorce will affect them. He’s apologizing and asking for forgiveness…etc. I honestly feel like he’s not my husband and I’m seeing him like a person who just lost everything like a loser. Again, these last few days, I haven’t thought about him, his feelings or even cared if he’s still talking to her. I’m thinking about how I can protect my kids. I’m sure my feelings will be changing as I process or he may release more info on this affair, but I don’t care. I just feel like I don’t want him anymore. I’m just taking my time to think as I am a overthinker! Thanks for reading

9 comments posted: Tuesday, January 27th, 2026

Boundary crossed

Married 15 years with kids, I’ve been clear about boundaries in marriage, one of which was no exchange of cell phone to female coworkers or have female coworker friends. He does have some female coworkers in his phone, who I personally know and it’s supervises that he may need to call if he’s calling off etc.

Went through his phone, didn’t recognize name, in text messages,

women asked how are you guys doing?

He replied, better, it was hard time she was always nagging and in a bad mood and I just didn’t know what was going on.

She replied, yeah I’ve gone through the same with my husband, good you guys are better.

He replied, thank you.

No other messages

Confronted him, he said it was a coworker who he confided in a few months ago when he and I were going through a rough patch that last 1.5months of arguments. I explained how I felt betrayed, upset and many other feelings that not only did he hide this communication with her, he crossed a specific boundary, and was basically trash talking about me in a difficult time in our marriage.

He apologized and said he knew it was wrong so messages were deleted, but really needed to vent. There was no other relationship with her, and it was mostly about the hard path we went through, not many other conversations with this female.

I’m turned off, feel disrespected, told him he lost his trust, he has poor decision making and that this is not what I want to be going through at this point in our lives. I don’t need betrayal and unease, he’s continuing to apologize and assure me nothing happens aside from those texts and how he doesn’t want to loose me or break up the family. He’s also giving me time as I said I needed time to process this.

3 comments posted: Thursday, February 27th, 2025