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Mantras are an invaluable tool when dealing with the kind of hurt and anger that arise with infidelity. I think they are especially useful for people who are in the early throws of dealing with this painfully disorienting issue.

There are many mantras here at SI. And I support them when used in a general way. However, I have personally felt it when the mantra had become so rigid it seemed more like a dogma to obey verses a mantra to consider.

In my mind, a mantra is not a statement of fact, rather it is a suggestion that is applicable most of the time. Whereas a dogma does not allow for those moments where it is not effective. Instead, it shifts the blame of the failure of the dogma to properly match the situation onto the person it is being applied to. Dogmas are sneaky buggers, easy traps to fall into!

As important as mantras are, I believe any group, whether religious or secular, that is attempting to help others, must always be careful not to allow their mantras to become dogmas.

Asterisk

Actually no, there are many different viewpoints on SI. If anything, many people here have been criticized as being too "pro-R".

If everyone is telling you basically the same thing and you will not consider, maybe it is time to ask if YOU are the one fooling yourself.

could you please share what specific mantra(s) you are referring to?

It can come across as more of a passive-aggressive dig when you withhold what you're actually criticizing.

Interesting that I am realizing I only know what a mantra is as an abstraction, while I am very familiar with dogmas.

I don’t know any mantra in particular, this might be a first for me so I am curious.

My intuition about mantra’s as I have been able to understand so superficially, is a shortcut to guide someone towards processing something they are experiencing in this moment.

Basically skipping the hardest parts of a climbing to "get there" like nails on a rock, but you still have to get there by yourself, right?

You then will fill the gaps yourself and complete the process faster.

Dogma skips that entirely, it is "there" and forbids you the climb, you can only be there and there is nowhere else but there. Accept it as faith, never question it.

Though they may have utility in some scenarios, I always disliked dogmas because it keeps me in the dark about the process, so I can’t assess if I agree with the conclusion or partially or not.

I like to think one thing: I am not helping anyone, I am being there for them to listen. They help themselves because they only have the power to do it, my role is nothing more than offering attention, acting like a canvas where they paint their own work and can then see it in its entirety.

It’s help in that sense, as I help myself by exploring and learning from others.