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Has anyone here managed to stay friends with their exWS after divorce? Like actual friends who hang out, go out, text funny things, etc., not just friendly/cordial co-parents?

WS seems to think this is possible. I feel like he is delusional, but maybe I'm wrong? Not saying I could do it even if others can, but I'm wondering if you or anyone you know of has managed to build true friendship after infidelity and divorce?

Not sure how, but yesterday I told SAfWH that we started out as friends and I'd be friends with him after a divorce, since we share decades of life experiences, but that I really want to stop living this lie of a M. I want him to find another place to live, so I wouldn't have to keep going through the painful things he does to my daily life due to his solo orientation. Whenever I say I want to get out of this IHS, he never has an affirmative reply, since it works for him to live in this limbo and discontent. He isn't bothered by the loss of what a M should have been.

I think the answer to your question is that some people can be better as a casual friend than they can be as an intimate partner. In other words, if you don't ask for anything they cannot give you (like keeping a vow!) all will seem to go great. Just don't ask for anything that is outside of their comfort zone.

[This message edited by Superesse at 1:44 PM, Sunday, July 13th]

My WW and I have both expressed the desire to not hate each other, because we are sure there will be future events with our kids where we encounter each other. I think she likes the idea of remaining friends, but for me, I'll be social with her, but I have no desire to actually be "friends" with her. The wound is pretty deep and I'd just as noon keep my contact with her to an absolute bare minimum.

I feel like he is delusional,

Yeah... good word for it, delusional. Having an affair... delusional. Pattern there?

I get along with my exww much better now than when we were married, but we're far from besties.

Not in my case. It takes two people to make a friendship, and while my XWH initially made lots of statements about wanting to be friends, his behavior didn’t back it up. In the six months since I filed for divorce, XWH has been completely estranged from our kids and has had virtually no contact with me. He has blamed me for his affairs, shown no remorse or ability to look inward, and approached the divorce (and everything else) with concern only for himself. Instead of working to repair the estrangement with his kids, or getting to know himself in a new an authentic way, he has moved onto yet another girlfriend and appears to be pouring his energy into that relationship.

With all the pain that comes with betrayal, I don’t know how quickly or whether I would have been able to have some sort of friendship. Until XWH’s behavior shows him to be someone who is trying to become worthy of my friendship, however, he won’t have that chance. I don’t think his statements about wanting to be friends were a genuine reflection of the decades of history we share but instead his weak attempt at saying the "right things" so that he could tell himself that he was a really good guy even during the divorce.