Thank you everyone for all the input. I really do appreciate it.
Bluerthanblue:
"So now that the cat is out of the bag and your marriage is truly shattered, why does he want to save it? Is it just for practical reasons (he doesn't want to lose time with his kids, finances, etc)?"
-I think and feel so eventhough he was/is saying that he still loves me, wants me and our family. He told me that both him and the OW knew their boundaries?! (I dont know WTF boundaries they are talking about) that whatever they have -- is all that and they cannot go anything beyond that because the OW is married and he is married. They wont leave their spouses. (Oh gosh! This makes me mad every time! He is such an asshole).
Financially wise, not really. He makes more than I am.
"Is it because he's afraid of how people will view him?"
-Maybe especially with his circle of friends. They think highly of him (very kind, family man, hardworking, etc etc). Both our families though know what had happened.
"Does he like the comfort of marriage and the role you serve as his wife?"
- Not sure about this.
"Is he deathly afraid of change?"
-Absolutely especially not seeing his kids daily.
"Is he hoping you will just get frustrated and give up so he doesn't have to take responsibility for the end of the marriage?"
- No, I dont think so.
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There are lots of 馃毄 TBH and reasons for me to D him and not give the gift of R (I know) but I can't do it, not now. Still trying to figure it out because of our kids (1 & 5yo). I know for a fact he needs help, he really does but I can only do much. I've told him numerous times that IC will help but he declined.
As for my IC, had a chance to talk to her yesterday. She told me that she can see or feel something in me that maybe I could be the one to help my H to heal??!! (Back story: H grew up w/o his parents as theyre working abroad so he lives with his relatives. Does not have a parent figure to talk about his emotions, problems etc etc.) I told her how is that possible when I, myself, is broken and couldn't even figure out my own sh*t. After talking to her, I don't even know if I still want to find a new therapist.
At this point, I am getting tired and we are only 6 months out like Ive said before. I even asked myself why am I doing this and why am I the one making so much effort to fix it and sometimes I just want to give up and walk away. I'm on 90% staying because of our kids. 10% on because still care and love him (wont lie about that) but as you guys mentioned he needs to prove that he can be a safe partner. Unfortunately, I don't feel or see it at the moment or maybe I am just expecting too much. 馃様