SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It is so hard when a new relationship is failing. I feel your pain. It is literally like you are back to square one. I am in a similar situation right now. The worst is the investment of time, love, thoughts, etc. It feels super unfair to have to walk the same walk again. I crossed the ocean (figuratively speaking) to get over my cheating so when a new relationship ends it feels so devastating as we thought it could only lead to something good. "I have done my painful times, where is my happiness?" That's basically the question. Hope you will find an easy way forward for yourself.

So sorry Brokenheart29. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. This is all so hard.

Infidelity, divorce, dating with children, all of this. It sucks, and it's something none of us wanted. Even when your girlfriend/boyfriend is treating you well, it can still be difficult.

When they treat you poorly, it isn't worth the hard work that relationships with kids take.

From the story you shared, I think you need to find someone else who will treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Waycool2013, I think you have made some sweeping generalizations that might not be accurate, though they certainly seemed to fit the two cases with your friends.

After my divorce was finalized 4 years ago today, I have dated quite a few women. I dated a 39-year-old woman who hadn't been married and didn't have kids, but desperately wanted kids of her own, yet didn't understand why I wouldn't get babysitters for my daughters during the weeks I had them. I dated women who were divorced and had kids who wanted a "just add dad" situation, where I could step right in to complete their family, yet my kids were inconsequential. I dated some women who just wanted to have fun, and I dated women who wanted to get married after the first date.

I was married for 12 years, and I have two daughters. After my ex-wife cheated on me, I had to pay her because I earned more money than she did. Why in the world would I risk that fate again? Because my parents have been married for 51 years and counting, my grandparents were married 60 years, my sister has been married for 17 years, my uncle and aunt have been married for 40 years. I believe that marriage is a special bond between two people who love each other and work together as a team, and I believe that not all women will screw me over like my ex-wife.

That being said, I'm going to take my time before I propose marriage again. I've been dating a woman for the past 2 years. She has her 2 teenage boys 100% of the time, and they aren't always very respectful towards her. I have 2 teenage girls, and I worry how blending families will work. I don't want my daughters to learn that it's OK for men to be disrespectful of them.

Bottom line is that maybe your 2 friends were dating a-holes. But maybe they were just dating guys who liked them and thought they could handle dating a woman with kids, only to find out it was more work than they wanted to handle?

None of this is easy.

You have come too far for that. This may seem small to some but it is a huge red flag to me as someone who was M to someone like this. Run like hell through the door he did not bother to open for you.

Gottheshaft, your post rings true to me. But I will say that my generalizations are true, generally speaking. lol! Anyway as a student of human psychology, I can tell you that there are certain norms for both men and women. My post does reflect some of those norms when it comes to relationships. Granted, we can play exception finder and yes there will be a notable percentage that won't fit the behavior pattern. But generally (there's that word again) speaking, if you just look at the outcomes (not what people say) they fit a certain behavior pattern.

Notice that from your dating, the larger portion of women were looking to "reel you in" as it were. That's because due to the situation, the reality is that this time, you are the prize. To a 39 year old who wants kids, you are most definitely the prize that she wishes to land. There's no question. But this is probably obvious to anyone considering your (probable) income bracket. The same can be said for the ones who wanted to just add a dad.

And I take your implication about the medium, you can never really get the full story on all this via text on a message board. Some people here aren't telling the whole truth about their situation, and if everyone knew the full details on everyone else's situation here, there would very likely be a whole lot less threads started. I was only pointing out that my two male friends were conforming to established male behavior when choosing a mate.

[This message edited by waycool2013 at 5:47 AM, June 26th (Friday)]

WC2013, as someone with a psychology degree, you may make a few good points but stuff like this:

I was only pointing out that my two male friends were conforming to established male behavior when choosing a mate.

Is called evolutionary psychology and it is regarded in the modern psych world as pseudoscience. It's right up there with Freud's theory of penis envy. Turns out it's a lot more useful to determine trends in human behavior based on changes in socioeconomic influences and not purely based on biological impulses. We're a bit more cognitively complex than finches. And I don't even want to get into contemporary research on sex, gender, brain gender, and its influence on behavior. Just remember - there's 7 billion people in the world and even if you're leaving out 1% of them in your generalization, that's still 70 million people you're excluding. Good research tries not to find a common pattern and establish that as the norm. It tries to give the big picture description of a particular behavioral phenomenon that includes minority variations with possible explanations for all results.

BH29, life is too short to be stuck living with an asshole.You are lucky he couldn't even make a year before his mask slipped.

Thank you, Nekonamida, you expressed what I was not able to put into words.

waycool2013, I'll just add this here because nobody has come out and said it, (and I see from your post count that you are new here) but making generalizations like this about men is actually against the posted guidelines for these forums. I suggest you review the guidelines, which can be found on the toolbar on the left under "Forums".

When giving advice or commenting on a post, it's best if you stick to things you have personally experienced and to frame your statements that way.

It looks like I needed to hear some of this advice as well. Also going to check that book that Catwoman recommended.

To sum it up, build up your strength not to accept this bad treatment and leave.

Im sorry. I also need to learn this lesson.

Sorry you are going through that. He failed the marriage interview. Tell him not to let the door hit his ass on the way out. Move on to the next candidate.