SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When my wife, out of the blue, sat me down and told me about her 1 ½ year affair with one of my best friends, I had an odd, but intense thought that encircled the numerous other disorienting, distressing and debilitating feelings that where flurrying around in my dazed mind.

As I was quietly absorbing this frightening, uncharted, new reality, a peculiar thought persisted. And I must state that to this day it is as robust as it was on D-day.

As the years of hard work, mutual empathy, and shared compassion have passed, disorientation has regained level, distress has softened, and debilitation has given way to strength. But what has not changed one iota sense D-day was that one, strange, connecting thought I had as my wife’s voice shakingly spoke of her infidelity: "My God, telling me this is the bravest thing that you (my wife) has ever done!"

Please, don’t get me wrong, bravery is not absolution or justification for bad actions. All I am trying to convey is that for me, at that moment, that thought was the faint light of hope in a descending darkness of despair.

Asterisk

My husband did not come clean of his own accord (quite the opposite), but he definitely did some brave/hard things after DDay that tilted the scales toward reconciliation.

Did your wife say why she felt compelled to tell you?

Grieving,

I am so sorry you had to find out through discovery verses discloser. I think that way is extremely more difficult to process.

Thanks for adding to this thread. We were always close and loving but at the same time my wife for the 1st 17 years of our marriage was unhappy being married to me. She liked me and was kind to me, (So I did not know of her unhappiness) but never, from the very beginning, was she passionate or sexually drawn to me. When she was about 2 1/3rds into her affair she realized that she didn’t love her affair partner and turned her attention and sexual attraction back towards me. At this time I was unaware of her affair and just thought that God had finally answered my prayers and our relationship soared to amazing heights. She ended her affair about 4 months later and for the next 1 ½ years things were amazing. I think guilt finally became too heavy for her to bear. Her going in that direction was completely out of character for her. Thanks for asking.

Asterisk

In opposition to trickle truth a confession and coming clean with even the unspeakable truth that infidelity is, feels brave because no matter the terrible harm that the partner did to you, they are letting you in their inner world where they cast you out when betrayed.

It’s like someone shooting you with a fatal wound, but moved by remorse’s trying to save you by tending the wound they inflicted.

This is why the truth is powerful and healing, even if the horror remains.

Trickle truths…

That’s like pouring salt and vinegar on the open wound and making everything to be damn sure that it never closes.

So I believe what you felt is genuine because it actually is brave.