SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Let’s propose a classification for types of affairs (A):
1. Flirting, "testing the market" (social media, Tinder, etc.)
2. Emotional affair (EA) / limerence
3. Sexting (some categorize this as group 4)
4. Physical affair (PA)
Other factors should also be considered, such as duration, how it was discovered (e.g., whether there was a confession), etc.

-As for the "limbo" experienced by the betrayed spouse (BS), it is more complex to classify. The parameters here would be:
A—The extent and duration of codependency, "hysterical bonding," the "pick-me" dynamic, etc.
B—Symptoms experienced by the BS: insomnia, asthenia (fatigue/weakness), muscle tension, irritability, obsessive doubts (mental scenarios, nightmares, jealousy, hypervigilance), an inability to concentrate, etc.

In reality, the duration is more concerning than the specific symptoms of this "limbo" state itself.

So, my theory is: the milder the affair, the longer the "limbo" lasts.

What do you think?

I think every situation is different. Hard to rank things b/c an emotional affair is as detrimental as a physical affair. For some betrayeds it doesn’t make a difference if it was physical b/c sometimes the emotional connection is far more damaging than a physical affair.

For context I rate my H’s last affair as a 10 (in terms of how bad it was on a scale of 1 to 5) because he was kicking me to the curb for the OW.

For others NSA (no strings attached) physical affairs are just as bad as affairs with an emotional element.

Take a flirting emotional affair. Devastating impact when the betrayed sees how much time and effort the cheater gave to the AP - but barely made an effort to speak to their spouse. Just as bad as a long term physical affair IMO.

Curious to hear other opinions and thoughts.

I get what you want to say.

From my perspective they are all the same, the abuse both sexual and emotional causes the same kind of trauma no matter the "sordid degree" the infidelity reached in practice.

Your question has some logic, the "mild" I would rather call cognitive dissonance between uncertainty and expectation the betrayed partner feels.

You are going to torture you to find out why you have been betrayed by your closest person for a while, that’s inevitable.

If the cognitive dissonance is kept by uncertainty if what it was done to you was "awful enough" to run away and save yourself, then the limbo is longer than to cut ties from, and your abuser out of your life.

The damage is the same, but the trauma may get you stuck.

If the degenerate debauchery of your wayward is so obvious that it gets you to feel a visceral disgust, then it’s easier to sever the toxic connection with your abuser.

Not easy but easier, when you can see the face of evil you can unfreeze, when the evil hides under a guise of human flaws and false remorse, you question yourself.

Then the limbo is longer.

That’s how I can see the answer to your question

My wife's affair was pretty bad. I didn't last a real long time, about 6 weeks, but it involved both physical and emotional elements. There were 3 physical trysts, 2 at a motel, and "I love you's" exchanged. She was convinced she was in love.

D day was especially brutal. Some of the details are in my bio, but suffice it to say, it's up there with some of the worst d days I've read about here.

I went through a period of about a month that I would consider "limbo," but once I'd had enough and put all my cards on the table that period ended pretty abruptly. That didn't end a lot of the negative feelings and emotions that come with being betrayed, but I felt relatively early on that her affair was officially ended and we'd made our choices to reconcile. It's been a year and a half since d day, and while I'm still working through the pain of betrayal and some ruminating still, I'd say we're on the path of reconciliation still. She's been rock solid since I made some phone calls to divorce lawyers.

I don't think it's so much the conditions of the affair as it is the individual(s) involved.

My affair was similar to Pogres wife other than it happened on a business trip and I confessed on my own.

The way infidelity effects a person and whether they stay in limbo I think has a lot of influences:

The condition or experience of the Pre A marriage.
The way it’s discovered.
What types of details are involved.
Was the ap a stranger or w friend of the bs
The value system and beliefs of the bs
The way the ws approaches repair, or the absence of any desire or effort to to repair
Financial situation
Children situation

I could go on and on.

The worst betrayal is the one your experience. And I think there are conditions within the bs that may help impact it the biggest one is their relationship with themselves. Maybe a side shoot if that is the narrative they put around the affair. Some bs look for blame or think it was something they were lacking. I think that’s never the actual case though but it’s a normal human reaction.