SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi,

So long story short, people I work with have all thought they found out about my partner and his infidelity, I'm quite a private person and I'll tell you things if you need to know. Basically it was a work night out, I wasn't there nor was my partner and everyone started talking about rumours at work and that came up and everyone seemed to think they knew what went on in our private life because of rumours (I obviously didn't tell anyone the truth).

But what came after was the absolute worst week of my life, I'm quite a private person like I said and all of the drama like people taking me to a corner and saying 'you don't have to tell anyone about your private life.....but is it true?' Or 'yeah me and Katie have just been talking about what we think' and giving their unsolicited advice about my life.

I found myself avoiding people and filling silences because if I spoke more, they couldn't ask me anything or give me their judgement. I absolutely hate being work gossip and then it becomes Chinese whispers behind my back. This isn't helping when I'm trying to move forward.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, Sophielou. It's like pouring acid on your wounds, and it's the last thing you need. People need to mind their own business, and you deserve whatever level of privacy makes you the most comfortable.

Instead of filling the silences, could you say, "I don't want to talk about my personal life right now" and leave it at that? You can't control what others say behind your back, of course, but it's totally reasonable for you to maintain clear boundaries and asking coworkers to respect that.

I’m sorry Sophielou. You are right not to respond to gossip. Small minds will always gossip. You can’t control it, but try not to let it bother you. You know what worked for me in my office when rumors swirled about my W’s actions at her Christmas party? I just smiled quietly and kept on minding my business. Although there was one coworker who cornered me and demanded to know what happened. I said " Don’t believe what you hear. I don’t for a second believe that your mother was a prostitute before you were born." Then went about my business. The gossipers moved on to another target shortly thereafter. Sending strength and positive vibes.

Instead of filling the silences, could you say, "I don't want to talk about my personal life right now" and leave it at that? You can't control what others say behind your back, of course, but it's totally reasonable for you to maintain clear boundaries and asking coworkers to respect that.

It's just the way they were all like it's your life and you must really love him but I think he's this and I think that and it's like I'm sorry when were you a part of my relationship? Maybe it came from a genuinely good place but it just felt horrific, everyone knew, the day after the rumours on the work night out it was a Sunday and my friend made me go to her house and sat me down, everyone was ringing me and then obviously got to work and other people were there and it was just so much for me when I'm already trying to get by it, it feels never ending, you know? I genuinely did not even want to go into work. My partner told our boss but he did nothing about it because he said people will always gossip, which did upset me a bit because it was really affecting my mental health.

Although there was one coworker who cornered me and demanded to know what happened. I said " Don’t believe what you hear. I don’t for a second believe that your mother was a prostitute before you were born." Then went about my business. The gossipers moved on to another target shortly thereafter. Sending strength and positive vibes.

That's a good one thank you for your reply too, I really appreciate it.

Luckily for me we both work in education and so we are currently on our summer break now so when we return I'm hoping they've moved onto something else. It's just toxic, talk about my work, criticise what I wear or my hair, whatever but when it's something like that and I haven't readily told you anything don't get involved. It made me so mad that people had their own opinion on my relationship and my partner, telling me oh did you know about this? What about this? Etc. I was so anxious all of the time.

[This message edited by Sophielou at 10:03 AM, Wednesday, July 29th]