SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Looking at husbands iPad. Four tabs across the top. One of them NYT article Esther Perel. I had noticed it yesterday but didn’t really care. Some of what she says feels like drivel, some reasonable. Didn’t feel was big thing. Looked tonight at the tab. Article called « What the Other Woman KNows ». Maybe some here have already seen it. I hadn’t. Triggered massively. Of course he;s not here, at a stupid board meeting. Texted him did you read an article called « what the Other Womjan knows ». Says no he didn’t read it. I had already looked back through the history and it didn;t look like he did read oit. He says he saw it read the blurb and didn’t think it was something he wanted to read.

Why the absolute f@#$ would you leave that tab up there. He knows I look at his iPad. How could he not think I would be triggered by that. Did he read it? Didn;t read it? Who f@#$ing knows? He has lied about stupid stuff and owns up to really hard stuff. Trust right now is definitely just sort of an aspirational idea. It has not been long enuf since he established honesty « last lie » if you will. It’s only been I guess 14 months or so. I definitely don’t just no questions asked believe everything he says. Not after 8 years of lying. WTAF. I am spent with this nonsense. ITs not really his fault. Its just stupid.

Sorry for rant. Not sure this would trigger others…. I would think it would make other betrayed wives feel ill though right? My husband seems like the stupides fucking person on the planet. Or he knew and he is just sadistic. I mean I’m not ruling anything out but this seems like a dumb way to be sadistifcf. And why the hell is he staying in this marriage anyway? O

I am definitely not reading the article. I;nm just ranting i guess.

I was just patting myself on the back for not having a real trigger for a bit of time. Was feeling a little invincible. So much for that idea.

Okay, definitely don’t want anyone wasting their valuable time replying to this. Definitely settled down quickly. I don’t know if it was the embarrassment of posting something or what. I am looking at the time. I type the rant at 8:14 and now its 8:31. This is definitely quicker resolution than I used to have. I mean I still have no way of knowing for sure whether he read it or not. Or why he left it there as a tab. Possibly he was afraid if he deleted it I could see it in the search history and would get even angrier. Who knows. It is most definitely his fault that he has blown my reality testing to smithereens. I wish I could just have privacy tonight and not discuss this when he gets home.

Friend, why are you apologizing for being triggered? Especially to us?

You have every fucking right to that emotion, fully expressed (while keeping everyone safe), it makes complete sense. You are doing yourself no favors trying to keep it all sanitary and contained.

Your first message had a tone I don’t believe I’ve ever heard from you before, but you’ve certainly heard it from me and many others. Let that shit out, process it OUT of your body. That just read like it was coming out and you quickly made sure to recapture it

Let it out, it’s poison.

...and posting might have helped you recover.

What they said!

Isn't it amazing how barfing things up can help so much, so quickly?

Thank you for supportive words. I am not even sure now in retrospect why this triggered me so much. I just know I packed a suitcase and completely shut down. I guess I’ll have to self-reflect and figure out what this meant to me. In the moment it felt that if he had read it he was permanently sullied and it was over. Can’t believe how intense these reactions can be.