Sorry this is longer than I intended and I may have latched onto something you may feel is irrelevant. But I explored this at length and thought it may help.
They will blame anything. They felt unloved, you smother them, you spent too much time at work, not enough time at work, too much time with the kids, not enough time with the kids. Too much time in hobbies, not enough time on hobbies. You got a pet, you didn’t get a pet. It’s all rubbish. They had the choice to say hey I am not happy how can we improve x.
He willingly said vows in front of his family, words that had a but in them.
He doesn’t want to be the bad guy in his story - so he turns himself into a pretzel 🥨 with any old excuse to justify his poor choices.
It’s nonsense. In fact if he is whinging the dog made him do it he isn’t doing the work. He should have said at the time ‘I do not want a dog, I’m cheating and thinking of leaving’. He could have done that and you wouldn’t have got the dog. Or if you had got the dog you would have got it knowing your truth.
So re-examine what he means by calling the shots. Did you make decisions but ask his opinion or did you unilaterally sell your house and buy another and present it as a done deal?
Or rock up with a car you had bought without mentioning it?
Or put your kids in the school he hadnt ever had the chance to see because it’s miles away and you had t even mentioned it.
Or did you ask him or say ‘hey fancy this holiday to Japan next year- shall I book it?’ And he didn’t object.
Hey we need a new car shall we go to the dealer this weekend.
I’ve booked the open tour at x school in weds - do you want to come?
If it’s the second list then he should be pissed off with himself for not saying - no I don’t want a green car I really want a red one. Or I don’t want to live in the suburbs I fancy the city. Or I hate Japanese food but I fancy a trip to China.
Is you calling the shots really him not wanting to rock the boat and say what he really wants? Or maybe him not wanting to do the boring adult stuff? Or him expecting entertainment (holidays, days out) from his wife? Or did he think he was too big job to do the school bookings and holiday bookings? If he elected to be a passenger in his own life - he needs to address that. That his mistake. He should speak out. If he felt he couldnt why not? He needs to address that.
I had this hence I’ve picked up on it. Sorry if I’ve put my own take on it. I would say ‘I think we need to book a holiday - I’ve seen a few places what do you think?’
He operated as Mr Laid Back whereas I stressed and worried. Then said he felt he didn’t get a say. He didn’t get a say because he chose not to say! If you say ‘yes looks great’ then I take that as ‘yes looks great’. I am not a mind reader!
For example My holiday remit was kids will enjoy it plenty of stuff to do as they are little and need entertaining. I will try anything from sailing to climbing, any food from any country, libraries and museums to theatres and festivals. Jazz to opera to heavy metal to world music. Beaches or mountains. Tents to cabins to five star hotels. We have done it all. He says he loves it all (I believe him). But I feel for a few years this was an example of me making decisions 🤣. I’m glad for the kids sake (and mine) I made those decisions!
Edit- Last year as I was in such a bad way I didn’t book the holidays in advance. We usually do a few a year. We did one - the one I sorted out last minute so the kids got away. He has equal access to finances. Equal access to the internet. Equal access to our diary. He knows I will do ANYTHING and honestly I am really happy to do anything. I’m actually rather good fun 😁. I also booked 6 school visits. Again equal access to school phone number, children, cars and diary. I also work full time. He visited the ones I booked. I completed the forms. But hey I control everything! Good bloody job or I guess I’d be home educating.
[This message edited by Abcd89 at 9:46 AM, Wednesday, January 17th]