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Today I had something trigger a positive thought. I had posted earlier in Thankful Thursday that the 3 year anniversary of joining SI is approaching. Things are going well and never thought it could be this good after the 2 months of TT and being jerked around after Dday.

I had a couple errands to run and my W asked if she could tag along. We were gone for a little bit but she needed to get home for a Zoom call and I needed to make one more stop. I dropped her off at the house and ran my last errand. When I get out of my truck at the store, there it was, her phone sitting in my cup holder. She forgot her phone 😮. There it was just me and her phone. When I got home I she was still on the Zoom call, I showed her the phone and she looked puzzled, then said "Oh did I leave it in your truck?"

It took me back to Summer of 2019 when she was glued to her phone constantly, she never set it down near me. Her phone was where I found so many disturbing messages. It was a reminder of two things, She’s not on her phone all the time, because she enjoys being right here and she doesn’t hide it, because there is nothing to hide.

It’s a positive for both of us because she doesn’t have the stress and anxiety of hiding stuff, and I don’t have to be M police. It was a trigger I needed today, if in fact there are positive triggers.

So nice when you get a gift like that.

And for her to show no fear or anxiety when she realizes you had access to it.

I’m happy for y’all’s progress! 👍🏼

That's awesome!

That’s wonderful, Tanner!

Nice. That does sound like a good moment.

I think R worked here at home because I refused to be the M detective, my wife had to want to be on the team, which means being open, honest and self reporting, etc.

It was a trigger I needed today, if in fact there are positive triggers.

Fair point regarding the existence of positive triggers, but if any trigger reveals some positive changes, that’s a good moment to build on.

I think R worked here at home because I refused to be the M detective, my wife had to want to be on the team, which means being open, honest and self reporting, etc.

Exactly, when I offered R I told her she is a grown adult and knows right from wrong. I will not live wondering what she is up to. I also knew I could trust my gut. Thankfully she is a terrible liar and I knew when the TT stopped.

Congrats!

It took me back to Summer of 2019 when she was glued to her phone constantly, she never set it down near me

It’s amazing how many signs of the affair were there which we ignored at a conscious level but shouted "something is wrong".

I’m in the same situation, WH’s phone is these days mostly in my bag when we go out (because he hates having it in his pocket and asks me to carry it for him), around the house is pretty much left everywhere openly.

This is how it always used to be and yet, during the affair, I failed to notice the sudden change of his phone being glued to him. I remember the month before dday, us being on holiday in Italy, asking him to give me his phone to take a picture or search something up and him being really annoyed and asking why do I need his phone, giving it to me reluctantly but standing there with his hand stretched out to snatch it as soon as I finished.

I remember feeling that something wasn’t right and asking him what was that about (I stupidly thought he didn’t want to share it in a selfish way, not that he was actually having an affair) and him replying "I don’t want the battery to die".

Later on it all fell into place, all these weird moments that made no sense suddenly became clear.

I felt so credulous, it was all so obvious.

[This message edited by Luna10 at 9:45 PM, Saturday, December 3rd]

Luna10

It’s the same for us, if we go for walk I keep the phone on my pocket. If we are sitting outside she plays music with her Bluetooth I have her phone looking for songs, playing DJ.

Like you said about the picture, I was talking about upgrading our phones, she seemed anxious asking what would that look like, who would have the phone? I missed that sign.

I really don’t need her phone, I know what her lying and cheating looks like. I will never dismiss my gut feeling.

To ME...a trigger is something that sets off a memory. I tried to make every trigger turn into a positive...or an indifferent object or situation at the least . You've now made the phone a positive trigger...and that is AWESOME !!!

I believe it all ties back to our limbic system...or lizard brain and our GUT. You have experienced calmness with the phone now...and not the anxiety and stress that came before. This has helped calm your lizard brain...as well as your GUT. Kudos to BOTH of you for retraining y'alls lizard brain !!!