SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

**seriously asking for a friend** since I have no point of reference here and have just started OLD.

Her last LTR ended 3+ years ago and she has just started to look at dating again. He was positive for herpes. To her knowledge she never contracted the virus as she has never had an outbreak of any sort, but of course she could be asymptomatic. They always abstained if he presented for about two weeks. He said to his knowledge he had never passed it to anyone as he felt symptoms and immediately would abstain.

Hypothetically speaking...down the road. If she were in a dating situation, condoms are a given, but we all know the risk. Again, she has never had an outbreak. It’s more like a “FYI, but I honestly don’t know” thing??

I venture a guess that a lot of people have been potentially exposed by a person that is asymptomatic and never been told as evidence by many on this board.

Anyone dealt with this?

Thx!

Why doesn't she go get a blood test done to be sure? Not having an outbreak...well that means nothing.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:01 PM, July 14th (Tuesday)]

Get an IGG blood test. Thats the only way to know for sure.

There are TONS of asymptomatic HSV positive folks out there. I'm one of them and I would have NEVER known if my WXH hadn't decided to stick his limp whisky dick in a hooker's mouth and then come home and proceed to freak the fuck put about potential STDs (I swear to this day he only confessed to me to have a hand to hold at the STD clinic - what a fool I am).

And he didn't catch it from the call girl - he likely had it unknowingly for years.

Yep - chiming in to agree - have the friend get a test so they know for sure. Lots and lots of people are positive and have never had an outbreak or have any idea. She can get it done the same time as her annual gyn exam if that's easiest.

If she is dating and is positive, the thing to do is be honest about it when the time comes. Yes it takes a lot of bravery, but it's really the only way to do these things. Then her partner can chime in about how they would like to protect themselves.

As a BS who was never given the chance to protect myself, unknowingly being given two STI's (one lifelong) is one of the things that I'm still pretty twitchy about all these years later. It's a really horrible thing to do to another person. It's not my shame to carry, but I get the joy of forever having to disclose it to all my potential partners forever and ever.

Actually, I felt so strongly about this issue that it was the last bit of motivation I needed to try and find out if there was an OBS in my situation. I finally found him and talking to a total stranger about STIs and affairs and getting tested was really just a lovely time for all.

Ok - I didn't meant to get into a rant there, but have her start with the test and see what's what.

She said she was told by her gyno that unless there is an active outbreak to swab/test for genital the tests will not be accurate since she gets cold sores-type 1. She said she has not had one of those for 10+ years.

Not a medical person, but I’ve been told something similar last time I asked if there was any progress on a test for the Type 2 virus??

I completely agree—lots of asymptomatic stuff.

There are type-specific antibody tests but these aren't universally available.

If she gets an IGG (blood) test, she can get tested for antibodies for HSV1 and HSV2. You can get either strain in either location, but HSV1 prefers the mouth area and HSV2 prefers the genitals. If she's had cold sores since childhood, she'll probably be positive for HSV1 with a pretty high antibody level.

So in my case - I had had cold sores since I was a kid as well, and my IGG number was high for HSV1 - old infection. I was tested after my ex's encounter with the escort. His IGG number for HSV2 was higher, indicating that he'd had it for a while, but mine was quite low, despite the fact that we'd been married and having unprotected sex for a while. Since he hadn't touched me between hookergate and my testing, I had to have caught it before that. But probably after YEARS of unprotected sex. It's likely my having HSV1 provided me some protection from HSV2 and is probably why I don't have symptoms.

I didn't know all this at the time. I got my results and called my OBGYN's nurse line to ask questions, and the nurse basically slut-shamed me. Exactly what I needed after being cheated on by the 3rd person I'd slept with ever, the ONLY person I'd had unprotected sex with, my husband, the father of my children. Still salty.

Post separation (2018), I called the OBGYN again and talked to a WONDERFUL nurse. She told me my HSV2 IGG number from back then (2010) was so low that it might indeed be a false positive and urged me to get another blood test. This time my number was much higher - because those antibodies had had years to build up.

I literally never think about it now, it has no effect on my life, other than the couple of times I had to disclose while dating. The stigma is FAR worse than the actual virus. Frankly I'd rather get outbreaks down south than the stupid cold sores I get when I accidentally have too many walnuts or too much chocolate - would be easier to hide!

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 6:05 AM, July 15th (Wednesday)]

Thanks so much for all the details, I will definitely pass along to her and I’m sure she will circle back with her gyno again.

Stay safe and well everyone!