Topic is Sleeping.
GraceLove (original poster member #59212) posted at 12:48 AM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2020
I have a question. I'm in a new relationship, best yet, and I love my boyfriend. I'm having a really hard time telling him though. Neither one of us has said it.
Did it take you a long time to be able to say 'I love you?" after being betrayed? I also found I had a hard time saying those words generally, even to family members and friends.
Just curious if this has happened to anyone, and how long it took until you felt more comfortable?
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 12:59 AM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2020
Not to scare you, but it took me about two YEARS before I could vocalize the ILY to my XSO. 
Seriously, it takes however long it takes. Don't put pressure on yourself. There are a lot of ways to *show* someone you love them without saying the words. Remember what we preach around here, actions over words!
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
GraceLove (original poster member #59212) posted at 2:12 AM on Tuesday, July 14th, 2020
It doesn't scare me. It makes me feel normal.
The actions on his part have been loving. And on my part too I believe.
There are just some moments when I want to say it!! but I hold back.
I'm torn between those moments, being honest, not being vulnerable and making sure, because what if I don't feel like that in other moments...that's the dilemma. Sometimes others will say they love me and I just can't respond. It's weird.
HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 1:13 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
exactly what Phoenix said. I was the same way too. I told my now GF that she should pay attention to my actions, not my words. As we've all learned around here, words mean nothing. Its the actions that show your true intentions.
GraceLove (original poster member #59212) posted at 2:42 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
Hi HalfTime,
Yes, the actions for sure! So far, so good on that part.
Maybe I just let it go and if I feel like saying ti I do. And if I don't, I don't. Who knows? There's no manual for any of this...
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 3:21 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
About a year and a half here. I could tell by his actions (and mine) earlier, but we both waited longer to say the words. Wanted to be sure.
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 3:45 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
I am a ‘love you’ person.
I would say it to my children several times a day and they reply back the same. Suppose I grew up in a family where ‘love you’ was like say Hi and Bye.
With a new BF maybe ask how he feels about you before saying the ‘I Love You’ and getting a ‘Thank You’ reply.
If you are feeling the Love, that’s fantastic 🙏🏼
September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼
GraceLove (original poster member #59212) posted at 4:09 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
GraceLove (original poster member #59212) posted at 4:10 AM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
LadyG ... That could work. It's scary though!
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 5:01 PM on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020
It took me a while to tell my GF. I told her my reasons why I don't throw those words around. As others said, I think my actions showed her what she meant to me before I said the words. And I think that was my biggest reason. Words are easy.
Topic is Sleeping.
