SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is a new beginning of a different kind, although it is definitely infidelity-related.

After D-day in August 2016 (and even before... because of the red flags), I fell into clinical depression. The ride on the depression roller coaster was not fun; it included a lame-ass suicide attempt in August 2017. The low point was not the suicide attempt; it was when I was placed on Abilify, which basically slowed my brain down so that I no longer had a will to live.. Then, when we started tapering me off of that drug, I experienced severe anxiety in addition to depression.

I was very lucky to have had a great psychiatrist (more correctly: master's level nurse practitioner of psychiatry) and after I went to the hospital... I found a great therapist too. By the time that I had gotten off of Abilify, the therapy was working and I was doing much better. Although I haven't had depression symptoms since May 31, 2018, STBXW deciding to get divorced in late August 2018 was yet another milestone as that was the beginning of the removal process for that cancerous blight on my mental health.

About a year ago, my psychiatrist and I decided to start tapering down my dose of antidepressant, slowing reducing from 100 mg/day down to 25 mg/day. Today, I spoke to my psychiatrist and we agreed that I am doing well and that I do not have to take any more Zoloft and that I do not even need a follow-up visit (she trusts that I will call her back if I start having trouble again).

So, here's to be both being depression and medication free!!! Woot!!!

Congrats, barcher! That is great news! I'm sorry your STBX put you in that position, but very happy (for you) that you are finally in a much better place.

Onward and upward!

Hey man, excellent milestone! I had to go on antidepressants for about 15 months myself, and there is no shame in it. The meds aren't a silver bullet, but definitely help while building up your mental toolbox. Very cool you found the support you needed and that you are able to be med-free! Cheers!

Hey Barcher!! Great news! Such a milestone. Great work!

I had to go on antidepressants for about 15 months myself, and there is no shame in it.

I have no embarrassment or shame related to my mental health problems.

The meds aren't a silver bullet, but definitely help while building up your mental toolbox.

In my case, the "silver bullet" was a combination of getting away from STBXW and of therapy, which showed me that so much of what STBXW was doing/saying was emotional abuse. In my case, her affair was just the tip of her emotional abuse iceberg.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 9:47 AM, July 7th (Tuesday)]

I have no embarrassment or shame related to my mental health problems.

Excellent. There is still such a stigma involved, which caused me to put off seeking help for way too long. I truly hope I did not offend. Very happy to hear your update.

There is still such a stigma involved

Yeah, I don't get that.

You beat yourself up physically... you get hurt... you go to a doctor. It's pretty much analogous to mental health issues.

I truly hope I did not offend.

Not in the least.

In fact, open discussions about mental health is one of my political agenda items (i.e., I think that's something that all of us should discuss to eliminate the stigma that you mentioned before).

That's great to hear, Barcher! Depression and medication free, what a wonderful new beginning. Congrats!

congrats barcher!!!!!

I'm working my way down, weaning from ADs after 10 years (or so) on them. They (along with talk therapy with my psychiatrist and distance from WH and betrayal) have saved my life on more than one occasion.

Onward!!

Congrats friend!

It's amazing how many people heal when the cancer is removed.

Barcher

So happy to hear you are doing well and so grateful to everyone for their posts and support on these forums :)

From a fellow survivor who is openly sharing publicly about the fact that infidelity almost cost me my life too.

Kudos on the mh awareness agenda.

Makes people uncomfortable but I would rather have a bunch of uncomfortable former friends if it means I can help someone survive a trauma like I went through.

Congratulations Barcher! I look forward to when I can say this. I have been on anti-depressants and mood stabilzers for 8 years now. I am going to give myself a year after I have moved out and on with life and will then hopefully be able to tackle ending my dependence on these drugs. They have really helped me over these years, but I wasn't always on medication so I believe one day I can do this!

Thank you everyone!

Some responses:

It's amazing how many people heal when the cancer is removed.

I forgot where I was (i.e., an infidelity forum). I don't normally describe it that way because most people don't "get" it.

Nevertheless, this is my less-than-scientific conclusion also. When I stopped listening to STBXW... I started doing better... it's more complicated than that, but not really.

From a fellow survivor who is openly sharing publicly about the fact that infidelity almost cost me my life too.

I don't think that it's entirely correct to say that infidelity almost cost me my life (not that I am disagreeing with you). It was the emotional abuse, of which the infidelity was a part (but not even the major part).

Kudos on the mh awareness agenda.

Makes people uncomfortable but I would rather have a bunch of uncomfortable former friends if it means I can help someone survive a trauma like I went through.

Yes, I have had that experience too. I work for a very very large employer (think more than 10,000+ employees) and I volunteer as a formal mental health advocate.

On one side, I have helped several dozen people get the help that they need. I have told them my story and helped others understand that their experiences are not unique... that they can get better... especially if they get a good therapist and/or a good psychiatrist. This has been extremely rewarding for me.

On the other side, I have had a couple of formal complaints filed against me because I talk about mental health too much. Luckily, the advocacy work that I do is a formal program, so my response to the "boss" was "no, I am not going to stop talking about this... this is what mental health advocates are supposed to do" and that has worked so far.

I have been on anti-depressants and mood stabilzers for 8 years now. I am going to give myself a year after I have moved out and on with life and will then hopefully be able to tackle ending my dependence on these drugs. They have really helped me over these years, but I wasn't always on medication so I believe one day I can do this!

A funny thing that my therapist told me a few months after STBXW and I separated. She said... you know, there was nothing wrong with you in the first place. There is a meme, which also expresses her thoughts... I am in therapy because the people in my life who actually need therapy refuse to go to therapy.

Thank you, again, everyone. Thank you for all of your help over the past four years. Thank you for sharing your stories with me, for giving me advice (even when I didn't listen).

On the other side, I have had a couple of formal complaints filed against me because I talk about mental health too much. Luckily, the advocacy work that I do is a formal program, so my response to the "boss" was "no, I am not going to stop talking about this... this is what mental health advocates are supposed to do" and that has worked so far.

You're officially now a personal hero of mine. Thanks for the work you do for this cause. It is inspiring, to say the least.

Congratulations!

I wasn't able to discontinue zoloft the first time I tried, the discontinuation syndrome hit me hard with intolerable restless legs, insomnia, and other symptoms. I ended up cutting the tabs in half and had to stay at 12.5 mg for months, then every other day, for a few more months. It was the weirdest most unsettling thing. I did finally get off it though.

I found my little frog massager tool that I used to use to run up and down my calves to calm the achy sensations. I also had a rolling pin. All put away now and mostly forgotten. But be aware this may not go so easily for you.

Also: yay for being a mental health advocate. I work for a very small employer and have been having really crappy PTSD symptoms lately, and I HAVE to hide my mental health problems behind a physical health issue, because I'm certain it would be used against me down the road. It sucks.

I am Canadian and an educator. We have less stigma about mental health here and have a mental health awareness week each year where we tall about it. Corporations, celebrities, politicians, etc all do their part. Not saying there is no stigma, just less than 20 years ago.

I had a complete mental collapse after Dday#1 and took about 6 months off from work. Thank God for coverage. My colleague who is the school counselor asked me what I should tell my students. I told her to tell them the truth. I am suffering from depression and anxiety. That opened doors to some wonderful conversations as staff and students opened up to me about their own struggles. I was amazed at how common it was. Even hurt, I was able to help others by just being open about my journey.

I have been on AD for about 3.5 years on and off. My doc thinks I need to go long term to ride this out. So be it. So.e mild side effects, but at least I can function. One day, i hope to be in your shoes. Congrats.

I wasn't able to discontinue zoloft the first time I tried, the discontinuation syndrome hit me hard with intolerable restless legs, insomnia, and other symptoms. I ended up cutting the tabs in half and had to stay at 12.5 mg for months, then every other day, for a few more months. It was the weirdest most unsettling thing. I did finally get off it though.

This has been a long process. I started reducing my dose about a year ago, maybe longer. Each step down involved some unwanted side effects (I can't remember the specifics, though). This week, I have had short-duration dizzy spells, which are due to stopping the antidepressant, having COVID-19, getting old, or an unpleasant combination of all of the above.

Anyway, it's not easy... you are right about that. Congratulations to you for getting off of them too!

We have less stigma about mental health here and have a mental health awareness week each year where we tall about it. Corporations, celebrities, politicians, etc all do their part. Not saying there is no stigma, just less than 20 years ago.

My employer is trying to reduce the stigma, but there are still hiccups. Lucky for me, I have really good job security (so I can't suffer any professional consequences other than a stern conversation) and I don't really care if other people think that I am crazy (and many of them do).

Thanks for the update! Glad to hear this.