SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Been divorced over 3 years now. I met someone online 11 months and have been dating ever since.

Slowly but surely I’ve seen the man changing in front of me. From being invested in the early months,kind, attentive and really trying and wanting to spend time with me to it dwindling. He doesn’t even treat me that well anymore. No cuddles. No asking how my day was. He led me to believe he wanted a future where we lived together (further down the line) to stating he never wants to live with me as it’s too complicated. I did break it off with him as we wanted different things. I’m only in my early 30s and would love to share my life fully with someone. However he brought me back in by saying he did want a future. This has changed yet again to saying he’s happy in his house and me in mine. Last night he came over. I made him a cup of coffee. I then bathed and put my children to bed. I then cooked tea. I then did the washing up. I asked him to put the bin out for the bin men in the morning. He refused saying we live in an age of equality now and I should do it. It was raining and I’d just had a shower. He couldn’t even do one kind thing for me after I’d done everything (it was also his day off so he wasn’t even tired from work). This is what I was like with xwh. He didn’t have to lift a finger. I’m so so done. I deserve better. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.

Kindness never goes out of style. I’m sorry, but it sounds like you know whAt you need to do.(((hugs)))

duplicate post

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 1:22 AM, June 19th, 2020 (Friday)]

I have a book recommendation for you: Why Men Love Bitches. Please don't be put off by the title--it's not about being a "bitch" per se, but about adopting a different mindset when dating.

Basically, the book talks about not overly investing yourself and doing handsprings in a relationship. It's good stuff, and I think that might be what's going on here.

It's best that he showed his true colors before you were more heavily invested.

Cat

He refused saying we live in an age of equality now and I should do it

Yeah...BYE Felicia!

So strange this selfishness. I have encountered it too, and don't remember this from dating way back when I was young.

And the problem is that because he did show that more giving, attentive side before you keep believing in the possibility of him. That's the hardest to let go, really -- the idea the man who you thought he was will return. You deserve better. You are right.

I have an exGF for similar reasons. One of the good things from my divorce is learning not to put up with that anymore. A relationship should be a partnership, not one person always sacrificing for the other.

Yes, buh-bye to him. How inconsiderate of him. That comment sounds like something a jackass would say that doesn't actually believe in equality, just wants to use that line when it suits him.

Run like your vagina is on fire

Oh yeah, he needs to go. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve so much more. Make sure you do not have any of his things or he have any of yours, then tell him nicely that you need to part ways as you want different things. If he tries to reel you in, a no thank you will do. If you do not feel like maintaining a friendship or contact, you can even just block him at that point.

I wouldn't even tell him good bye. Fuc? him . Get rid of him ASAP

He refused saying we live in an age of equality now and I should do it.

You should have gathered the garbage, opened the door and said you first, the biggest piece goes to curb first, bye bye!

Seriously girl you don't need that bullshit in your life. Putting the bins out is no big favor. Hell my 23 yo does it for me every Monday am and changes the litter box w/o me asking, you know why? Because he's a decent human being.

FTG. Time to move on friend.

You should have gathered the garbage, opened the door and said you first, the biggest piece goes to curb first, bye bye!

Seriously girl you don't need that bullshit in your life. Putting the bins out is no big favor. Hell my 23 yo does it for me every Monday am and changes the litter box w/o me asking, you know why? Because he's a decent human being.

FTG. Time to move on friend.

Well, I cannot say it better than THIS! At least you found out in 11 months and not 11 years of what would have been a nightmare.

Absolutely loving these replies! You’ve all really helped pick me up! My fav is twicefooled with run like your vagina is on fire

Kicking his ass to the kerb will be so good.

I’m going to buy that book Catwoman. I seem to be mothering rather than being a partner. It’s not healthy. I was content on my own for years and will be content on my own again once more. Just another lesson learned!

He doesn’t even treat me that well anymore. No cuddles. No asking how my day was.

Kindness, consideration, affection are basic tenets of a relationship. Better to be alone (and happy!) versus lonely in a relationship. You deserve better for yourself and know what you have to do here.

Life is too short - you know what you have to do.

ETA - you are better than how he is treating you.

[This message edited by Chaos at 11:07 AM, June 20th (Saturday)]

I was content on my own for years and will be content on my own again once more.

That’s absolutely 100% TRUE.

Your new days will be happier alone than the old ones where you were mentally tortured with the whys and what ifs.

Sending you my love. ❤️

I remind myself that if I stick with any bad relationship, it prevents me from meeting a good relationship. Helps me not to hold onto anyone that isn't good for me.

Glad you liked my line, it's a fun one

However he brought me back in by saying he did want a future.

Sounds like he keeps sucking your back in with kibbles.

This time try not trying to explain why you are ending it. Gives him no room for kibbles. You don't need to explain to him why he isn't cutting it. IE Sorry - this just isn't working for me.

Gurl - you are only ELEVEN months in. He should still be throwing down his A-game. If this is it - well, NEXT.

He couldn’t even do one kind thing for me after I’d done everything (it was also his day off so he wasn’t even tired from work).

This has nothing to do with equality. I am on the high end of independence to a fault. That doesn't stop my guy from coming and trying to do stuff for me all the time.

This guy is showing you who he is.

Onward and upward my friend. You got this.

Several things could be going on here, seen a few of my friends do it. Told them they were messed up for doing it. I have 2 friends that I told were going to pay (karmically) for stringing people along.

1. He's just using you, and now he's had his fun, so the niceness is tapering off. What a douchebag.

2. Maybe he liked you in the beginning, but now he's decided the fact that you already have kids, isn't for him. Does he have any?

This is very common from what I've seen. If the woman already has kids, the single guys call this "knee-high syndrome" and they only use the woman for a while. The reality is, that in the end, they will be starting to take care of, and sometimes pay for things for the kid/s. A kid that isn't theirs. This is a big negative in the eyes of most men, and it's a biological thing. It's something that I really wish they'd teach girls in school, but it's sort of only becoming common knowledge in the last decade. Some men will do it, but if they could wave a magic wand, they'd have met the woman back when she had no kids. Any future kids would thus be his. This is not a fun thought for women, but thems the breaks most of the time. Mother nature is pretty unforgiving. Men generally do not want to get married, and they don't want a woman with kids. This is why I said that I told two friends they were messed up for stringing such women along. Neither of them are in that relationship anymore, they've both found women with no kids.

This is just my humble opinion, but it would probably be better to find a man who already has kids. He'll be much more understanding. It may even be best if he has custody of the kids and they're usually with him.

There are a lot of generalizations about men in your post, Waycool2013.